I agree with this, and just wanted to add a resource. My mom told me about this concept in couples therapy, Differentiation, which is basically what Khorton suggested. Here’s how my mom put it in a wedding toast:
“[The husband] recognized that his needs and those of his beloved diverged profoundly. He was able to feel his own feelings and hers — to love and honor her even in difference. No matter how well aligned we are with our partners, there will be profound differences. We love not in spite of the differences but also because of them. [The wife] would not be the person she is without the concerns she manifested.”
I agree with this, and just wanted to add a resource. My mom told me about this concept in couples therapy, Differentiation, which is basically what Khorton suggested. Here’s how my mom put it in a wedding toast:
“[The husband] recognized that his needs and those of his beloved diverged profoundly. He was able to feel his own feelings and hers — to love and honor her even in difference. No matter how well aligned we are with our partners, there will be profound differences. We love not in spite of the differences but also because of them. [The wife] would not be the person she is without the concerns she manifested.”
She also sent me a podcast on this:
https://pca.st/m12y7mos
(I haven’t listened to the whole thing, but the discussion on Differentiation starts at ~10:30.)
I love the concept of differentiation, and know it through the book The Passionate Marriage