Another frame that may be comforting is that the expected value of all of these plans seems like it was positive. I’m sure there are things you could have done differently to improve your odds, but it doesn’t sound like a better you would have chosen not to pursue these angles or not tried to maximize your positive impact. Nobody has a guarantee that their plans will succeed—all we can do is try to maximize EV, knowing that p < 1. Kudos to you for shooting your shot. I think you should get as much credit for that part as if you had succeeded.
Another frame that may be comforting is that the expected value of all of these plans seems like it was positive. I’m sure there are things you could have done differently to improve your odds, but it doesn’t sound like a better you would have chosen not to pursue these angles or not tried to maximize your positive impact. Nobody has a guarantee that their plans will succeed—all we can do is try to maximize EV, knowing that p < 1. Kudos to you for shooting your shot. I think you should get as much credit for that part as if you had succeeded.