Worth noting that you might get increased meaningfulness in exchange for the lost happiness
FWIW, I think this accidentally sent this subthread off on a tangent because of the phrasing of ‘in exchange for the lost happiness’.
My read of the stats, similar to this Vox article and to what Robin actually said, is that people with children (by choice) are neither more nor less happy on average than childless people (by choice), so any substantial boost to meaning should be seen as a freebie, rather than something you had to give up happiness for.
I think there’s a related error where people look at the costs of having children (time, money, etc.) and conclude that it’s not worth it if the children aren’t even making you happy at the end of all that. But this doesn’t make sense, at least from a selfish perspective: the parents in these studies were also paying all those costs, their childless counterparts were not, and yet the bottom line was essentially no overall effect, suggesting that children are either providing something which makes up for these costs or that the costs are not as big as people sometimes make out (my suspicion as a father of two is that it’s a bit of both). And so as Vox put it:
Bottom line: The evidence we have suggests having children doesn’t affect a person’s happiness much one way or another. But that evidence is limited by people selecting into the path they think is best for them. So: If you want to have kids, have kids. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t have kids. The happiness literature isn’t going to make the decision for you.
FWIW, I think this accidentally sent this subthread off on a tangent because of the phrasing of ‘in exchange for the lost happiness’.
My read of the stats, similar to this Vox article and to what Robin actually said, is that people with children (by choice) are neither more nor less happy on average than childless people (by choice), so any substantial boost to meaning should be seen as a freebie, rather than something you had to give up happiness for.
I think there’s a related error where people look at the costs of having children (time, money, etc.) and conclude that it’s not worth it if the children aren’t even making you happy at the end of all that. But this doesn’t make sense, at least from a selfish perspective: the parents in these studies were also paying all those costs, their childless counterparts were not, and yet the bottom line was essentially no overall effect, suggesting that children are either providing something which makes up for these costs or that the costs are not as big as people sometimes make out (my suspicion as a father of two is that it’s a bit of both). And so as Vox put it: