I came across this extract from John Stuart Mill’s autobiography on his experience of a period when he became depressed and lost motivation in his goal of improving society. It sounded similar to what I hear from time to time of EAs finding it difficult to maintain motivation and happiness alongside altruism, and thought some choice quotes would be interesting to share. Mill’s solution was finding pleasure in other pursuits, particularly poetry.
Mill writes that his episode started in 1826, when he was 20 years old—but he had already been a keen utilitarian for 5 years and had been working for 3 years by this time, so was perhaps at a development point that not many would reach before they were into their early careers in the modern day.
From the winter of 1821, when I first read Bentham...I had what might truly be called an object in life; to be a reformer of the world. My conception of my own happiness was entirely identified with this object...This did very well for several years
But the time came when I awakened from this as from a dream. It was in the autumn of 1826. I was in a dull state of nerves...unsusceptible to enjoyment or pleasurable excitement...In this frame of mind it occurred to me to put the question directly to myself: “Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions which you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant: would this be a great joy and happiness to you?” And an irrepressible self-consciousness distinctly answered, “No!” At this my heart sank within me: the whole foundation on which my life was constructed fell down...I seemed to have nothing left to live for.
For some months the cloud seemed to grow thicker and thicker...I became persuaded, that my love of mankind, and of excellence for its own sake, had worn itself out.
I frequently asked myself, if I could, or if I was bound to go on living, when life must be passed in this manner. I generally answered to myself that I did not think I could possibly bear it beyond a year. When, however, not more than half that duration of time had elapsed, a small ray of light broke in upon my gloom. I was reading, accidentally, Marmontel’s Mémoires, and came to the passage which relates his father’s death...A vivid conception of the scene and its feelings came over me, and I was moved to tears. From this moment my burden grew lighter.
I gradually found that the ordinary incidents of life could again give me some pleasure...and that there was, once more, excitement, though of a moderate, kind, in exerting myself for my opinions, and for the public good. Thus the cloud gradually drew off, and I again enjoyed life; and though I had several relapses, some of which lasted many months, I never again was as miserable as I had been.
The experiences of this period...led me to adopt a theory of life, very unlike that on which I had before I acted...Those only are happy (I thought) who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness...followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end.
This state of my thoughts and feelings made the fact of my reading Wordsworth for the first time (in the autumn of 1828), an important event of my life...[his poems] proved to be the precise thing for my mental wants at that particular juncture.
The result was that I gradually, but completely, emerged from my habitual depression, and was never again subject to it
Mill’s point that happiness might derive from having intrinsic goals other than happiness is interesting; I do find it hard to imagine having this feeling though:
In this frame of mind it occurred to me to put the question directly to myself: “Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions which you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant: would this be a great joy and happiness to you?” And an irrepressible self-consciousness distinctly answered, “No!”
I personally am quite confident I would experience “a great joy and happiness” if some reform happened e.g. factory farming ended at this moment, and I find it hard to imagine this not being the case. But as you suggest, this may be more likely to occur at a certain “development point” I’ve not reached yet unlike Mill.
Nor has it ever been the case for me that “My conception of my own happiness was entirely identified with this object [of being a reformer of the world]”. Though I do often wish, on a meta-cognitive level, that my happiness (which seems like almost the same thing as my “conception of my own happiness”) was much further in that direction, because then I would work much harder on doing good, even if burnout like this becomes a bit more of a risk.
Well, everyone will have their own emotional journey—not everyone with motivations to do good will have an experience like Mill’s! But the point to not make improving social welfare the sole target and to have alternative sources of satisfaction seems to me quite common in discussions around EA and mental health, at least for those who do have difficulties.
Mill was working as a colonial administrator in the British East India Company at this point in his life, right? Could there have been a role for cognitive dissonance in driving his depression?
I guess it’s hard to know without being in Mill’s head. Though from what I’ve read it doesn’t sound like he ever really wavered from favouring Britain having India as a colony.
I came across this extract from John Stuart Mill’s autobiography on his experience of a period when he became depressed and lost motivation in his goal of improving society. It sounded similar to what I hear from time to time of EAs finding it difficult to maintain motivation and happiness alongside altruism, and thought some choice quotes would be interesting to share. Mill’s solution was finding pleasure in other pursuits, particularly poetry.
Mill writes that his episode started in 1826, when he was 20 years old—but he had already been a keen utilitarian for 5 years and had been working for 3 years by this time, so was perhaps at a development point that not many would reach before they were into their early careers in the modern day.
Mill’s point that happiness might derive from having intrinsic goals other than happiness is interesting; I do find it hard to imagine having this feeling though:
I personally am quite confident I would experience “a great joy and happiness” if some reform happened e.g. factory farming ended at this moment, and I find it hard to imagine this not being the case. But as you suggest, this may be more likely to occur at a certain “development point” I’ve not reached yet unlike Mill.
Nor has it ever been the case for me that “My conception of my own happiness was entirely identified with this object [of being a reformer of the world]”. Though I do often wish, on a meta-cognitive level, that my happiness (which seems like almost the same thing as my “conception of my own happiness”) was much further in that direction, because then I would work much harder on doing good, even if burnout like this becomes a bit more of a risk.
Well, everyone will have their own emotional journey—not everyone with motivations to do good will have an experience like Mill’s! But the point to not make improving social welfare the sole target and to have alternative sources of satisfaction seems to me quite common in discussions around EA and mental health, at least for those who do have difficulties.
Mill was working as a colonial administrator in the British East India Company at this point in his life, right? Could there have been a role for cognitive dissonance in driving his depression?
I guess it’s hard to know without being in Mill’s head. Though from what I’ve read it doesn’t sound like he ever really wavered from favouring Britain having India as a colony.