Really brave of you to write all this, sounds like a really hard situation you’re dealing with well. I want to say that to the extent this feels like a crux for “being cut out for community building”, I wouldn’t take what I’ve read here as particularly strong evidence at all, and also that I’d suggest this isn’t a good time to make any big judgments about what kind of person you are.
In particular, I’d highlight the advice of having an email pre-written that pulls you out of a commitment, so that it’s easier to send it if you ever find yourself in a situation like that again. (Similar advice is to have prewritten emails to friends who can support you if a downward spiral is starting).
Really brave of you to write all this, sounds like a really hard situation you’re dealing with well. I want to say that to the extent this feels like a crux for “being cut out for community building”, I wouldn’t take what I’ve read here as particularly strong evidence at all, and also that I’d suggest this isn’t a good time to make any big judgments about what kind of person you are.
If you haven’t already, I recommend this podcast about someone who hit a wall, didn’t want to admit defeat, and had a lot more trouble pulling himself out than you did this time: https://80000hours.org/podcast/episodes/depression-anxiety-imposter-syndrome/
In particular, I’d highlight the advice of having an email pre-written that pulls you out of a commitment, so that it’s easier to send it if you ever find yourself in a situation like that again. (Similar advice is to have prewritten emails to friends who can support you if a downward spiral is starting).
Really glad you’re ok, sending a bunch of care.