I was initially hesitant to post this, out of some vague fear of stigma and stating the obvious, and not wanting people to pathologize my ethical views based on the fact that I take antidepressants. This is pretty silly for two reasons. First, I think that if my past self had read something like this, he could have been spared years of suffering, and there are probably several readers in his position. EAs are pretty open about mental illness anyway. Second, if anything the fact that I am SFE “despite” currently not being depressed at all (indeed quite consistently happy), thanks to SSRIs, should make readers less likely to attribute my views to a mental illness.[1]
I claim that even if you don’t feel so bad as to qualify as capital-D depressed, you might feel noticeably less bad on a daily basis if you try SSRIs.[2] That has been my experience, and I can honestly say this has likely been the cheapest sustainable boost in my well-being I’ve ever found. Being happier has also probably made me more effective/productive, though this is harder to assess.
(Obviously, my experience is not universal, I’m probably just lucky to an extent, this is not expert medical advice, and you might either find that SSRIs are ineffective for you or that the side effects are less tolerable than I have found them. You should definitely do your own research!)
In the months (at least) prior to SSRIs, my level of depression was “mild” according to the Burns checklist. I felt rather lonely during downtime, and like a bit of a failure for not having an exciting social life. I didn’t endorse the latter judgment, and felt pretty fulfilled by my altruistic work, but that dissatisfaction persisted even when I tried to reason myself out of it (or tried taking up new hobbies). This wasn’t debilitating by any means—so much so that I didn’t really feel like I “deserved” to receive treatment intended for depression, and yes I realize how dumb that sounds in hindsight—but it was something of a pall hanging over my life all the same.
SSRIs just dispelled those feelings.
Waiting so long to give these things a try was a mistake. I made that mistake out of a combination of the aforementioned suspicion that I wasn’t depressed enough to need them, and overestimation of how difficult it would be to get a prescription.[3] Just because my suffering wasn’t as deep as others’, that didn’t mean it needed to exist.
This medication isn’t magic; my life isn’t perfect, and I still have some other dissatisfactions I’m working on. But, for the amount of difference this has made for me, it seemed negligent not to share my experience and hopefully encourage others in an analogous position to show themselves a bit of compassion.
[1] Yes, I have seen people do this before—not to me personally, but to other SFEs.
[2] This probably holds for other antidepressants too. I’m just focusing on SSRIs here because I have experience with them, and they incidentally have a worse reputation than, e.g., Wellbutrin.
[3] At least in the U.S., there are online services where you can share your symptoms with a doctor and just get a prescription at a pretty low price. For some reason, I expected a lot more awkward bureaucracy and mandatory therapy than this. I won’t get specific here because I don’t want to be a shill, but if you’re curious, feel free to PM me.
SlateStarCodex has a long post on SSRIs and their side-effects (from 2014); including sexual side-effects. (Here is a 2016 paper which also reports on sexual side-effects.) I don’t have expertise in this topic, however.
Why you should consider trying SSRIs
I was initially hesitant to post this, out of some vague fear of stigma and stating the obvious, and not wanting people to pathologize my ethical views based on the fact that I take antidepressants. This is pretty silly for two reasons. First, I think that if my past self had read something like this, he could have been spared years of suffering, and there are probably several readers in his position. EAs are pretty open about mental illness anyway. Second, if anything the fact that I am SFE “despite” currently not being depressed at all (indeed quite consistently happy), thanks to SSRIs, should make readers less likely to attribute my views to a mental illness.[1]
I claim that even if you don’t feel so bad as to qualify as capital-D depressed, you might feel noticeably less bad on a daily basis if you try SSRIs.[2] That has been my experience, and I can honestly say this has likely been the cheapest sustainable boost in my well-being I’ve ever found. Being happier has also probably made me more effective/productive, though this is harder to assess.
(Obviously, my experience is not universal, I’m probably just lucky to an extent, this is not expert medical advice, and you might either find that SSRIs are ineffective for you or that the side effects are less tolerable than I have found them. You should definitely do your own research!)
In the months (at least) prior to SSRIs, my level of depression was “mild” according to the Burns checklist. I felt rather lonely during downtime, and like a bit of a failure for not having an exciting social life. I didn’t endorse the latter judgment, and felt pretty fulfilled by my altruistic work, but that dissatisfaction persisted even when I tried to reason myself out of it (or tried taking up new hobbies). This wasn’t debilitating by any means—so much so that I didn’t really feel like I “deserved” to receive treatment intended for depression, and yes I realize how dumb that sounds in hindsight—but it was something of a pall hanging over my life all the same.
SSRIs just dispelled those feelings.
Waiting so long to give these things a try was a mistake. I made that mistake out of a combination of the aforementioned suspicion that I wasn’t depressed enough to need them, and overestimation of how difficult it would be to get a prescription.[3] Just because my suffering wasn’t as deep as others’, that didn’t mean it needed to exist.
This medication isn’t magic; my life isn’t perfect, and I still have some other dissatisfactions I’m working on. But, for the amount of difference this has made for me, it seemed negligent not to share my experience and hopefully encourage others in an analogous position to show themselves a bit of compassion.
[1] Yes, I have seen people do this before—not to me personally, but to other SFEs.
[2] This probably holds for other antidepressants too. I’m just focusing on SSRIs here because I have experience with them, and they incidentally have a worse reputation than, e.g., Wellbutrin.
[3] At least in the U.S., there are online services where you can share your symptoms with a doctor and just get a prescription at a pretty low price. For some reason, I expected a lot more awkward bureaucracy and mandatory therapy than this. I won’t get specific here because I don’t want to be a shill, but if you’re curious, feel free to PM me.
SlateStarCodex has a long post on SSRIs and their side-effects (from 2014); including sexual side-effects. (Here is a 2016 paper which also reports on sexual side-effects.) I don’t have expertise in this topic, however.