Good point! Currently, I think the “pry more” lesson is supposed to account for a bunch of this.
Since making this update, I have in fact pried more into friends’ lives. In at least one instance I found some stuff that worried me, at which point I was naturally like “hey, this worries me; it pattern-matches to some bad situations I’ve seen; I feel wary and protective; I request an opportunity to share and/or put you in touch with people who’ve been through putatively-analogous situations (though I can also stfu if you’re sick of hearing people’s triggered takes about your life situation.)” And, as far as I can tell, that was a useful/helpful thing to have done in that situation (and didn’t involve any changes to my drama policy).
That said, that situation wasn’t one where the right move involved causing ripples in the community (e.g. by publicly airing concerns about what went down at Alameda). If we fight the last war again, my hope is that I’d be doing stuff more like “prod others to action”, or perhaps “plainly state aloud what I think” (as I’m doing now with this post).
There is something about this post that feels very “neutral tone” to me, and that makes it feel at home within my “don’t give drama the attention it needs to breathe” policy. I think my ability to have good effects by prying more & prodding more & having more backbone doesn’t require changes to my drama policy. (And perhaps the policy has shifted around somewhat, without me noticing it? Doesn’t feel like it, though.)
I am of course open to arguments that I’m failing to learn a lesson about my drama policy.
Good point! Currently, I think the “pry more” lesson is supposed to account for a bunch of this.
Since making this update, I have in fact pried more into friends’ lives. In at least one instance I found some stuff that worried me, at which point I was naturally like “hey, this worries me; it pattern-matches to some bad situations I’ve seen; I feel wary and protective; I request an opportunity to share and/or put you in touch with people who’ve been through putatively-analogous situations (though I can also stfu if you’re sick of hearing people’s triggered takes about your life situation.)” And, as far as I can tell, that was a useful/helpful thing to have done in that situation (and didn’t involve any changes to my drama policy).
That said, that situation wasn’t one where the right move involved causing ripples in the community (e.g. by publicly airing concerns about what went down at Alameda). If we fight the last war again, my hope is that I’d be doing stuff more like “prod others to action”, or perhaps “plainly state aloud what I think” (as I’m doing now with this post).
There is something about this post that feels very “neutral tone” to me, and that makes it feel at home within my “don’t give drama the attention it needs to breathe” policy. I think my ability to have good effects by prying more & prodding more & having more backbone doesn’t require changes to my drama policy. (And perhaps the policy has shifted around somewhat, without me noticing it? Doesn’t feel like it, though.)
I am of course open to arguments that I’m failing to learn a lesson about my drama policy.