On one hand, the atmosphere here is fascinating. You’ve crafted a pretty original object-level setting (gargantuan tower-city that ceaselessly expands outwards, now managed by a flawed algorithm), intercepted with some very compelling Kafkaesque/surreal horror (the trial at the beginning with an absent defendant, C’s inability to get through to anyone, the secret police agent (?) following her that everyone pretends not to see, the RAT KINGDOM lurking at the edges of everything...). I’ve read all public entries to the contest, and on that metric, it’s one of the most intriguing.
On the other hand:
The message is a bit muddled. What the Tower and the algorithm symbolize is obvious, but what are all the rats about? I’d suspect “rat = rationalist”, but it doesn’t really map on… The mystery is very compelling, but the answer is either confusing or unsatisfying. And the swerve to recommending the Precipice at the end seems awkward.
On the technical level, the prose is… lacking. Though that’s naturally fixable with practice.
Overall, an intriguing read. Especially loved the ‘Gustav, I need to know about the rats’ refrain, it was so delightfully weird.
So, my opinion is mixed.
On one hand, the atmosphere here is fascinating. You’ve crafted a pretty original object-level setting (gargantuan tower-city that ceaselessly expands outwards, now managed by a flawed algorithm), intercepted with some very compelling Kafkaesque/surreal horror (the trial at the beginning with an absent defendant, C’s inability to get through to anyone, the secret police agent (?) following her that everyone pretends not to see, the RAT KINGDOM lurking at the edges of everything...). I’ve read all public entries to the contest, and on that metric, it’s one of the most intriguing.
On the other hand:
The message is a bit muddled. What the Tower and the algorithm symbolize is obvious, but what are all the rats about? I’d suspect “rat = rationalist”, but it doesn’t really map on… The mystery is very compelling, but the answer is either confusing or unsatisfying. And the swerve to recommending the Precipice at the end seems awkward.
On the technical level, the prose is… lacking. Though that’s naturally fixable with practice.
Overall, an intriguing read. Especially loved the ‘Gustav, I need to know about the rats’ refrain, it was so delightfully weird.
Thanks for these comments Noumero, much appreciated!