In my experience, observing someone getting dogpiled and getting dogpiled yourself feel very different. Most internet users have seen others get dogpiled hundreds of times, but may never have been dogpiled themselves.
Even if you have been dogpiled yourself, there’s a separate skill in remembering what it felt like when you were dogpiled, while observing someone else getting dogpiled. For example, every time I got dogpiled myself, I think I would’ve greatly appreciated if someone reached out to me via PM and said “yo, are you doing OK?” But it has never occurred to me to do this when observing someone else getting dogpiled—I just think to myself “hm, seems like a pretty clear case of unfair dogpiling” and close the tab.
In any case, I’ve found getting dogpiled myself to be surprisingly stressful, relative to the experience of observing it—and I usually think of myself as fairly willing to be unpopular. (For example, I once attended a large protest as the only counter-protester, on my own initiative.)
It’s very easy say in the abstract: “If I was getting dogpiled, I would just focus on the facts. I would be very self-aware and sensitive, I wouldn’t dismiss anyone, I wouldn’t say anything bad about my accusers (even if I had serious negative information about them), I wouldn’t remind people about scout mindset or anything like that.” I think it takes an unusual person to maintain that sort of equanimity when it feels like all of their friends are abandoning them and their career is falling apart. It’s not something most of us have practice with. And I hesitate to draw strong inferences about someone’s character from their behavior in this situation.
[Note: I’m using the term “dogpiled” because unlike terms like “cancelled”, “called out”, “scapegoated”, “brought to justice”, “mobbed”, “harassed”, etc. it doesn’t have any valence WRT whether the person/group is guilty or innocent, and my point is orthogonal to that.]
I agree with the points made in this comment. It’s important to remember that people getting dogpiled on can feel pretty awful about it. It reminded me of this Sam Harris podcast interview with a documentary fillmmaker who described her experience of being “cancelled” as being worse than her experience of being kidnapped.
That said, I don’t know how well they address the original comment they’re replying to. The post we’re looking at was posted three months after the impetus for it, so while I do see that the whole experience is very stressful and can make it difficult to be charitable on the spot, the extended period to craft a reply means it’s possible to overcome one’s initial impulses and figure out how to respond. Ultimately, if this post chooses to adopt certain rhetorical tactics (for good or bad), I think Kat and the Nonlinear term do need to take responsibility for these tactics. And to my understanding, they have—for instance, in this comment Kat says that some of the controversial decisions around inclusion of stuff in the post were things that the team discussed and decided on.
Apart from the 3 month period, this also had multiple reviewers. It would quite surprising if none or only a few of these pushbacks by Yarrow or others in the comment section were raised. So (along with Kat’s comment that there was a lot of internal debate) I think it is better to model these decisions as intentional and considered, rather than due to “loss of equanimity”.
To add on to this vibe of “getting dogpiled is an unusually stressful experience that is probably hard to imagine accurately”, I feel a bit strange to be reading so many “reasoned” comments about how specific improvements in replies/wordings could have been decisively accurate/evident, as though anything less seems like a negative sign.
I relate to that logically as an observer, but at the same time I don’t particularly think the whole sea of suggestions are meaningfully actionable. I think a lot of time and thought went into these posts, virtually any variant would still be vulnerable to critique because we have limited time/energy, let alone the fact that we’re human beings and it’s more than okay to produce incomplete/flawed work. Like what expectations are we judging others by in this complex situation, and would we really be able to uphold our own expectations, let alone the combined expectations of hundreds of people in the community? It’s insanely hard to communicate all the right information in one go, and that’s why we have conversations. Though this broader discussion of “what’s the real story” isn’t one that I consider myself entitled to, nor do I think we should all be entitled to it just because we’re EAs.
This is a really good comment. It gets at a tough issue. Someone wise once told me: when we feel unsafe, we want to be right. A consequence of this is that if we want someone to admit wrongdoing, or even just to admit the validity of a different perspective, we have to make it safe for them to do so. We can’t just dogpile them. It’s clear that Kat feels unsafe and wants to be right. And, in a way, we are dogpiling her.
However, it also must be said that someone admitting wrongdoing, or admitting the validity of a different perspective, isn’t the only goal for a community faced with an instance of alleged harm. Preventing future harm is an even more important goal. If someone credibly accused of doing harm to another person can’t overcome their need to be right, the community must explore different options for preventing other people from coming to harm in the future. These options include (but aren’t limited to) exclusion from the community.
In my experience, observing someone getting dogpiled and getting dogpiled yourself feel very different. Most internet users have seen others get dogpiled hundreds of times, but may never have been dogpiled themselves.
Even if you have been dogpiled yourself, there’s a separate skill in remembering what it felt like when you were dogpiled, while observing someone else getting dogpiled. For example, every time I got dogpiled myself, I think I would’ve greatly appreciated if someone reached out to me via PM and said “yo, are you doing OK?” But it has never occurred to me to do this when observing someone else getting dogpiled—I just think to myself “hm, seems like a pretty clear case of unfair dogpiling” and close the tab.
In any case, I’ve found getting dogpiled myself to be surprisingly stressful, relative to the experience of observing it—and I usually think of myself as fairly willing to be unpopular. (For example, I once attended a large protest as the only counter-protester, on my own initiative.)
It’s very easy say in the abstract: “If I was getting dogpiled, I would just focus on the facts. I would be very self-aware and sensitive, I wouldn’t dismiss anyone, I wouldn’t say anything bad about my accusers (even if I had serious negative information about them), I wouldn’t remind people about scout mindset or anything like that.” I think it takes an unusual person to maintain that sort of equanimity when it feels like all of their friends are abandoning them and their career is falling apart. It’s not something most of us have practice with. And I hesitate to draw strong inferences about someone’s character from their behavior in this situation.
[Note: I’m using the term “dogpiled” because unlike terms like “cancelled”, “called out”, “scapegoated”, “brought to justice”, “mobbed”, “harassed”, etc. it doesn’t have any valence WRT whether the person/group is guilty or innocent, and my point is orthogonal to that.]
I agree with the points made in this comment. It’s important to remember that people getting dogpiled on can feel pretty awful about it. It reminded me of this Sam Harris podcast interview with a documentary fillmmaker who described her experience of being “cancelled” as being worse than her experience of being kidnapped.
That said, I don’t know how well they address the original comment they’re replying to. The post we’re looking at was posted three months after the impetus for it, so while I do see that the whole experience is very stressful and can make it difficult to be charitable on the spot, the extended period to craft a reply means it’s possible to overcome one’s initial impulses and figure out how to respond. Ultimately, if this post chooses to adopt certain rhetorical tactics (for good or bad), I think Kat and the Nonlinear term do need to take responsibility for these tactics. And to my understanding, they have—for instance, in this comment Kat says that some of the controversial decisions around inclusion of stuff in the post were things that the team discussed and decided on.
Apart from the 3 month period, this also had multiple reviewers. It would quite surprising if none or only a few of these pushbacks by Yarrow or others in the comment section were raised. So (along with Kat’s comment that there was a lot of internal debate) I think it is better to model these decisions as intentional and considered, rather than due to “loss of equanimity”.
To add on to this vibe of “getting dogpiled is an unusually stressful experience that is probably hard to imagine accurately”, I feel a bit strange to be reading so many “reasoned” comments about how specific improvements in replies/wordings could have been decisively accurate/evident, as though anything less seems like a negative sign.
I relate to that logically as an observer, but at the same time I don’t particularly think the whole sea of suggestions are meaningfully actionable. I think a lot of time and thought went into these posts, virtually any variant would still be vulnerable to critique because we have limited time/energy, let alone the fact that we’re human beings and it’s more than okay to produce incomplete/flawed work. Like what expectations are we judging others by in this complex situation, and would we really be able to uphold our own expectations, let alone the combined expectations of hundreds of people in the community? It’s insanely hard to communicate all the right information in one go, and that’s why we have conversations. Though this broader discussion of “what’s the real story” isn’t one that I consider myself entitled to, nor do I think we should all be entitled to it just because we’re EAs.
This is a really good comment. It gets at a tough issue. Someone wise once told me: when we feel unsafe, we want to be right. A consequence of this is that if we want someone to admit wrongdoing, or even just to admit the validity of a different perspective, we have to make it safe for them to do so. We can’t just dogpile them. It’s clear that Kat feels unsafe and wants to be right. And, in a way, we are dogpiling her.
However, it also must be said that someone admitting wrongdoing, or admitting the validity of a different perspective, isn’t the only goal for a community faced with an instance of alleged harm. Preventing future harm is an even more important goal. If someone credibly accused of doing harm to another person can’t overcome their need to be right, the community must explore different options for preventing other people from coming to harm in the future. These options include (but aren’t limited to) exclusion from the community.