One thing that could help with at least some of the milder cases mentioned in the article would be to have more spaces where EAs can go specifically for dating, so that there would be less flirting and asking people out in the gray zone between personal and professional interactions.
Buck’s reciprocity.io is one example of this, though it could be good to have a more complete EA dating website not tied to Facebook. A Tinder-style website requiring mutually swiping right would help with the problem of some women getting swamped with romantic interest, although many EAs (including me) have fond feelings toward a site more like OkCupid as of 2010 where you could see long profiles and message anyone. EA speed-dating sessions and matchmakers are also options. “Date me” docs are another way to ensure that both parties are interested in dating because the person with the doc waits for other people to reply, rather than asking people proactively.
If we had thriving spaces where EAs went specifically for dating, there would be less need or temptation to ask people out in other contexts, which means people who came to EA without wanting any romantic attention could reduce the amount of it they receive.
An EA dating website like this one where you can list your mono vs poly preference could help people who aren’t interested in poly avoid being asked to join polycules.
If the OCB situation was a case of intentional flirting rather than just different conceptions of how much personal information is ok to share in what contexts, then it could also have potentially been avoided if people mainly did flirting in reserved dating spaces.
If you already have a crush on a particular person and that person isn’t on an EA dating website, there might still be a temptation to ask that person about their feelings, and it seems harsh to forbid that (except in certain cases like boss vs employee, as others have noted). I myself have proactively expressed romantic interest to a few people outside of an explicit dating space (though I try to do it sparingly and tactfully). But at least the frequency of bringing up such topics outside of reserved spaces could decrease a fair amount.
This proposal makes sense to me, but I don’t live near any other EAs in person, so maybe I don’t realize how much easier it is to just ask people out directly rather than having to use online platforms.
One thing that could help with at least some of the milder cases mentioned in the article would be to have more spaces where EAs can go specifically for dating, so that there would be less flirting and asking people out in the gray zone between personal and professional interactions.
Buck’s reciprocity.io is one example of this, though it could be good to have a more complete EA dating website not tied to Facebook. A Tinder-style website requiring mutually swiping right would help with the problem of some women getting swamped with romantic interest, although many EAs (including me) have fond feelings toward a site more like OkCupid as of 2010 where you could see long profiles and message anyone. EA speed-dating sessions and matchmakers are also options. “Date me” docs are another way to ensure that both parties are interested in dating because the person with the doc waits for other people to reply, rather than asking people proactively.
If we had thriving spaces where EAs went specifically for dating, there would be less need or temptation to ask people out in other contexts, which means people who came to EA without wanting any romantic attention could reduce the amount of it they receive.
An EA dating website like this one where you can list your mono vs poly preference could help people who aren’t interested in poly avoid being asked to join polycules.
If the OCB situation was a case of intentional flirting rather than just different conceptions of how much personal information is ok to share in what contexts, then it could also have potentially been avoided if people mainly did flirting in reserved dating spaces.
If you already have a crush on a particular person and that person isn’t on an EA dating website, there might still be a temptation to ask that person about their feelings, and it seems harsh to forbid that (except in certain cases like boss vs employee, as others have noted). I myself have proactively expressed romantic interest to a few people outside of an explicit dating space (though I try to do it sparingly and tactfully). But at least the frequency of bringing up such topics outside of reserved spaces could decrease a fair amount.
This proposal makes sense to me, but I don’t live near any other EAs in person, so maybe I don’t realize how much easier it is to just ask people out directly rather than having to use online platforms.