Emotional Work Week Retreat

General information

Date: Friday evening 8th of March to Sunday afternoon the 17th of March

Price: 250 euros (The money is to cover the cost of the Airbnb). I will ask for an additional donation in the end, but you are not obliged to donate anything if you can’t afford that or think the retreat wasn’t worth more than 250 euros. If I spend less on the Airbnb then this you get money back.

Location: To be announced, less than 3 hours traveling from Amsterdam Central station, somewhere in the Netherlands. The location is going to depend on the exact number of people.

Deadline for registering: Friday 16th of February (you are registered if you filled in the form and booked a call with me; see how to participate for more information).

I will be the facilitator of the retreat, note that I am not a professional nor a licensed therapist and will also not give any therapy, that is the work of the actual therapy sessions you book.

There will be a maximum of 6 participants

TLDR

This is a retreat similar to a meditation retreat but instead make as much progress as possible on your mental health by emotional work meditations, (self)therapy, and everything else that seems useful.

Description

As Effective Altruist we want to to do the most good we can which is a challenging task. This can bring emotional problems with it like worrying if you are good enough, imposter syndrome, or feeling constant pressure to work hard. Emotional struggles like this can hinder our productivity and progress and reduce the amount of good we can do.

But it’s hard to make real progress on stubborn emotional problems in the occasional spare hours we squeeze around our hectic daily schedules. Setting aside a long stretch of focused uninterrupted time in a retreat setting away from distractions and the obligations of work and family allows you to go much deeper.

The aim of the retreat is to dive deep and make as much progress as possible to increase your emotional well-being and mental health in a long-lasting way by working on concrete issues you are struggling with. This could be emotional challenges like repetitive negative thoughts or feelings, and unpleasant or unhelpful behavior that is routinely in your mind or gets consistently activated in particular scenarios.

Examples include procrastination, low motivation, being less productive than you would like, wishing you had more confidence to take better actions, fear of judgment by others, high anxiety in certain situations, and distracting yourself with Twitter/​Facebook/​Netflix.

These problems can be very challenging to deal with. They often have an emotional component and may feel difficult to overcome. Another challenging aspect is that we are often only partly aware of why these thoughts are there, yet we notice they influence our behavior or mood unhelpfully.

Luckily, there are ways to make progress on these issues. By investigating our behavior and learn and ingrain more helpful patterns into our brain we can slowly adapt ourselves. Much of my current thinking comes from this post about memory reconsolidation and the book Hardwiring Happiness that uses the science of Positive Neuroplasticity to shape your brain for the better. Additionally, I am a big fan of Internal Family Systems therapy and Focusing (see Focusing chapter CFAR Handbook). There is much more to say about this and you also don’t have to buy into these frames to join the retreat as I am happy to discuss what works best for you.

I will facilitate the whole week so you can work on this, and I am there to help you in any way possible. I will also make sure everybody feels welcome, included, and safe so you can entirely focus on your mental health progress. However, as a participant, you will be in the driver’s seat when deciding what techniques and therapy modalities you want to practice. Together, we will make a schedule that fits you and that you are entirely on board with and excited about. I will point you to resources you can explore and techniques you can try out beforehand so you become well-prepared for the retreat. The typical day looks like silent meditation retreats but then focuses on emotional work and (self)therapy. It is recommended to be silent for the majority of the time to allow for deeper introspection. Here is an example schedule to give you an idea of what a day could look like (don’t worry if you don’t know all the terms). This is just an example schedule; you could do much more therapy or self-therapy if you have the energy or you could practice other kind of things.

  • 4-6 hours a day of emotional work meditations (HEAL from Rick Hanson, loving-kindness, self-compassion)

  • 1-3 hours a day of Introspective self-therapy (Internal Family Systems, Focusing, Core Transformations)

  • 0-2 hours a day of professional therapy from a therapist; I highly recommended booking therapy sessions during the retreat

  • ~1 hour of physical exercise like walking, running, fitness, yoga etc.

  • ‘Do-nothing therapy ’ for the rest of the day: sit, relax, and get bored. Only make sure you are not ruminating.

Is this retreat suitable for me?

It is my first time organizing such a long retreat; therefore, it will be a bit experimental. Also note that I am not a therapist, although I don’t expect this to be required. I will mainly be the facilitator and encourage you to book therapy calls where I expect most of the progress will happen. I believe that longer retreats like this can significantly improve your mental health and that this will have long-lasting benefits and, hence, one of the best investments you can make in your life. One of the aims of the retreat is to confirm if this is indeed the case. I recommend this retreat for people familiar with improving their mental health, who know what they can handle and feel comfortable diving deep. I don’t recommend this for people who struggle with moderate to severe depression or have any other condition that might make this tricky for them, as I am not a licensed professional nor a therapist who is trained to deal with this.

How to participate

To register for the event, please fill out this Google Form and book a call with me (see the Google form for instructions). This call is to get to know each other better and determine if the event fits you. I want to create a safe container and ensure everybody who comes knows what they can expect. So, reach out to me if you have any doubts; I am happy to try to find a solution that addresses any concern you have.

Payment for the retreat happens after assessing from both side at the intro call that there is a good fit and before the first of the two preparation calls, see below.

Structure before and during the retreat

Before the retreat, there will be three calls besides the intro call. Two preparation calls and one call to get to know the other participants. The first preparation call and meeting with other participants is 3 weeks before the event and a second one 1 week before the event. In the first preparation call, we will make an individualized plan on what types of meditations and therapy you want to try out and explore. I will also point to resources you can read up on to better understand what mental health progress could look like and build your own mental model. The most important thing is that you get clear on how to make progress and get excited about the plan. One week before the retreat, there will be another check-in to see how you are doing and to create a more concrete plan for the retreat. Now that you have tried many techniques and seen which ones you liked and didn’t like, you can better determine which type of meditation and therapy you want to practice. Note that you can always use your intuition during the retreat to adapt your plan if you see that a previous thing is not working.

During the retreat, everything is optional, but by default, we will have daily check-ins to see how everything is going and adjust course if necessary. You can also ask questions during the whole day, although it is encouraged to stay silent and only ask them during the check-ins. Additionally, we have group check-ins with a frequency determined by the participants to catch any group dynamic issues and share our journey to create a more cohesive group. Meditations will be done together as much as possible to develop accountability and routine. Besides this, there is no fixed schedule, and participants will have their personalized plan that, as said, can be adapted as necessary.

Logistics

  • The event will take place in an Airbnb where we have the space for ourselves, and everybody has a separate bed but might not have a separate room.

  • The idea is that everybody arrives Friday evening, 8th of March, from 6 o’clock onwards and Saturday morning we start with the official program. Joining later or leaving earlier is possible, but please let me know. The program ends Sunday afternoon at around 2 o’clock.

  • Together, we will go to the supermarket so everybody can buy groceries for themselves. The idea is to stack for multiple days, so we only have to go to the supermarket 2 or 3 times.

  • Food is not included in the price

  • Everybody helps cook 1 or 2 times in total for the week.

About me

This is an independently organized event by me. I have run several mental health-related workshops at the EA Summer camp and the LessWrong Community weekend, managed a 4-day event for CFAR alums, and lately organized a 1-day mental health retreat. Recently, I have spent two months full-time improving my mental health, and in general, I am excited about techniques to get the most out of life. Currently, I am working full-time to shape my career path toward helping other EA people flourish.

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