I absolutely LOVE this article and the discussion it sparked. I’m 35, mum of an almost 3-year-old and 1-year-old, and founder of an EA-aligned organization (+ two other side projects). I’ve always considered myself a powerhouse, life’s challenges usually didn’t push me to my limits, even though I worked in 60+ hours careers (eg. as a consultant). But oh boy, did that change. In the last year, I’ve faced moments on a regular basis when I felt like: I can’t do this anymore. I cried, I screamed, I thought about just giving up. But I didn’t. What kept me going:
quitting my current position as a CEO might be a temporary relief of responsibility, but eventually I would need to work in other jobs, that come along with other aspects I didn’t like in the past (e.g. lack of impact and purpose) - so in sum, it wouldn’t be a clearly net-positive thing to do
plus I would probably feel some sort of resentment, that I had to sacrifice something very meaningful for my family—not good for the relationships with my husband and kids ;-)
things will get easier—a lot of the stress from the last year was a result of our youngest not yet being in the Kita, but eventually she, too, will be a Kindergarden Kid and that will change a lot in our daily routines and bring significant relief; this is an important lesson in general: my husband and I noticed that a lot of the challenges you’re going through with kids are phases that will naturally end at some point anyway—e.g. teething, weaning, getting better with naps and so on
I resonate with someone saying here that a lot of the time or activities you’ll have to sacrifice are mostly things like watching TV/netflix/youtube. It’s true, I am not wasting as much time on “shallow” entertainment like this anymore. In a way, it seems like my time is very efficiently spent mostly on just meaningful things. But let’s be honest, sometimes all you need is this form of shallow entertainment (at least for many of us).
The one thing I wish I knew before and would have factored into our decision is the lack of childcare outside of Kindergarten. We don’t have any family close by, but I thought—hey we can just hire a babysitter/nanny. Well, we tried for a year and we couldn’t find anyone. Maybe this is just a coincidence, bad luck, and not very representative, but if I had one piece of advice for everyone thinking about whether to have kids or not it’s this: make a reality check on how easily available childcare in your area is.
Do you have people that will regularly babysit in the evenings so you can have an evening with your significant other (to reconnect as partners, not just be a team of highly functioning parents)?
Do you have people that would be willing to take care of a sick child? Because most of them will be sick a lot at the beginning, which means regular interruptions of your usual routines
How many other actual needs to you have that you need to plan in (e.g. do you need a lot of time for yourself to cope with things, to you have a great need for socializing with other people outside of your family, do you need to exercise on a regular basis and so on...) ?
I absolutely LOVE this article and the discussion it sparked.
I’m 35, mum of an almost 3-year-old and 1-year-old, and founder of an EA-aligned organization (+ two other side projects). I’ve always considered myself a powerhouse, life’s challenges usually didn’t push me to my limits, even though I worked in 60+ hours careers (eg. as a consultant). But oh boy, did that change. In the last year, I’ve faced moments on a regular basis when I felt like: I can’t do this anymore. I cried, I screamed, I thought about just giving up. But I didn’t.
What kept me going:
quitting my current position as a CEO might be a temporary relief of responsibility, but eventually I would need to work in other jobs, that come along with other aspects I didn’t like in the past (e.g. lack of impact and purpose) - so in sum, it wouldn’t be a clearly net-positive thing to do
plus I would probably feel some sort of resentment, that I had to sacrifice something very meaningful for my family—not good for the relationships with my husband and kids ;-)
things will get easier—a lot of the stress from the last year was a result of our youngest not yet being in the Kita, but eventually she, too, will be a Kindergarden Kid and that will change a lot in our daily routines and bring significant relief; this is an important lesson in general: my husband and I noticed that a lot of the challenges you’re going through with kids are phases that will naturally end at some point anyway—e.g. teething, weaning, getting better with naps and so on
I resonate with someone saying here that a lot of the time or activities you’ll have to sacrifice are mostly things like watching TV/netflix/youtube. It’s true, I am not wasting as much time on “shallow” entertainment like this anymore. In a way, it seems like my time is very efficiently spent mostly on just meaningful things. But let’s be honest, sometimes all you need is this form of shallow entertainment (at least for many of us).
The one thing I wish I knew before and would have factored into our decision is the lack of childcare outside of Kindergarten. We don’t have any family close by, but I thought—hey we can just hire a babysitter/nanny. Well, we tried for a year and we couldn’t find anyone. Maybe this is just a coincidence, bad luck, and not very representative, but if I had one piece of advice for everyone thinking about whether to have kids or not it’s this: make a reality check on how easily available childcare in your area is.
Do you have people that will regularly babysit in the evenings so you can have an evening with your significant other (to reconnect as partners, not just be a team of highly functioning parents)?
Do you have people that would be willing to take care of a sick child? Because most of them will be sick a lot at the beginning, which means regular interruptions of your usual routines
How many other actual needs to you have that you need to plan in (e.g. do you need a lot of time for yourself to cope with things, to you have a great need for socializing with other people outside of your family, do you need to exercise on a regular basis and so on...) ?