So first up, I don’t think ‘good way for a man to find a girlfriend is to become an event organiser’ implies ‘you should then hit on women at the event’. It could just be ‘it’s a good way to meet people and make friends, and the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find a partner’.
I kind of want to taboo ‘hit on’ because clearly whether it’s bad depends on what exactly you mean. The lack of consensus might come from different understandings of the phrase! (but it also might come from women having different preferences and experiences—shocker!)
Still, here are some types of ‘hitting on’ that might be bad:
-person A is making obviously flirty and/or overtly sexual comments to person B, maybe touching them or leaning in close, etc. Person B extricates themself from the conversation politely and doesn’t reciprocate the flirtiness (beyond friendliness). Person A continually seeks out B at events and keeps behaving this way, even though B always leaves the conversation at the first opportunity. This is bad because it means Person B has to spend the whole event running away from A rather than just enjoying themself.
-it’s a professional event (eg, EAG) and A and B have set up a 1-on-1. A asks B, apropos of nothing, if they’re single. A is clearly not really interested in talking about professional matters (EA women on twitter have said this happened to them). This is bad because it’s a waste of B’s time—B could have schedule a meeting with someone who actually wanted to talk about work stuff!
-Person A asks B out. B says ‘sorry, I have a partner’. A argues that monogamy is irrational and emotionally immature. This is bad because it’s manipulative and crosses people’s boundaries.
So first up, I don’t think ‘good way for a man to find a girlfriend is to become an event organiser’ implies ‘you should then hit on women at the event’. It could just be ‘it’s a good way to meet people and make friends, and the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find a partner’.
I kind of want to taboo ‘hit on’ because clearly whether it’s bad depends on what exactly you mean. The lack of consensus might come from different understandings of the phrase! (but it also might come from women having different preferences and experiences—shocker!)
Still, here are some types of ‘hitting on’ that might be bad:
-person A is making obviously flirty and/or overtly sexual comments to person B, maybe touching them or leaning in close, etc. Person B extricates themself from the conversation politely and doesn’t reciprocate the flirtiness (beyond friendliness). Person A continually seeks out B at events and keeps behaving this way, even though B always leaves the conversation at the first opportunity.
This is bad because it means Person B has to spend the whole event running away from A rather than just enjoying themself.
-it’s a professional event (eg, EAG) and A and B have set up a 1-on-1. A asks B, apropos of nothing, if they’re single. A is clearly not really interested in talking about professional matters (EA women on twitter have said this happened to them).
This is bad because it’s a waste of B’s time—B could have schedule a meeting with someone who actually wanted to talk about work stuff!
-Person A asks B out. B says ‘sorry, I have a partner’. A argues that monogamy is irrational and emotionally immature.
This is bad because it’s manipulative and crosses people’s boundaries.