I’m incredibly sorry about the negative experiences you and your friends have had. I think it would be beneficial to provide more detail about the “Lesswrong style Jedi mind tricks” if you feel comfortable. My guess (as a woman who has many rationalist male friends) is that a good number of men who don’t want to be predatory are are trying to figure out if they’ve unknowingly done something that could be making women uncomfortable. I think they would benefit from specifics here, so that they can avoid doing similar things in the future.
I haven’t had any rationalist-style issues specifically. But, I’ll list some specific behaviors that have been best at making me feel comfortable when asked out /hit on in ea:
People being extremely clear about consent about touching. Asking about things before they happen and, before asking, making it a point to say that they genuinely want you to say no if your answer is no.
Anyone who has a position of authority over me/recommending me for funding telling me the extent to which they would immediately be transparent to funders/teammates in the case that we did date. I think this is a part of informed consent around dating that’s often overlooked. Also making it directly clear that this will not affect my funding/opportunities. The other person saying this without me having to ask is very important and makes me feel much less overwhelmed by any power dynamic.
I’m incredibly sorry about the negative experiences you and your friends have had. I think it would be beneficial to provide more detail about the “Lesswrong style Jedi mind tricks” if you feel comfortable. My guess (as a woman who has many rationalist male friends) is that a good number of men who don’t want to be predatory are are trying to figure out if they’ve unknowingly done something that could be making women uncomfortable. I think they would benefit from specifics here, so that they can avoid doing similar things in the future.
I haven’t had any rationalist-style issues specifically. But, I’ll list some specific behaviors that have been best at making me feel comfortable when asked out /hit on in ea:
People being extremely clear about consent about touching. Asking about things before they happen and, before asking, making it a point to say that they genuinely want you to say no if your answer is no.
Anyone who has a position of authority over me/recommending me for funding telling me the extent to which they would immediately be transparent to funders/teammates in the case that we did date. I think this is a part of informed consent around dating that’s often overlooked. Also making it directly clear that this will not affect my funding/opportunities. The other person saying this without me having to ask is very important and makes me feel much less overwhelmed by any power dynamic.