Some, though not all, men in EA subscribe to an ask culture philosophy which endorses asking for things, including dates, even when the answer is probably no. This almost definitely contributes to the problems Keerthana points out. A small number of guys endorsing this philosophy can make multiple women feel uncomfortable.
I think this is bad. Some people point out that the alternative, guess culture, is more difficult for people who struggle to read social cues. But if there’s a trade-off between making this community safe and comfortable for women and making it easier for guys to find dates, then, sorry, there’s only one reasonable choice.
Keerthana’s formal suggestions are worthy of consideration. I also think there’s a cultural element, created and enforced through social norms, that will only change when EAs, especially EA men, choose to notice and push back on questionable behaviour from our acquaintances, colleagues, and friends.
Asking and guessing aren’t the only options here: double-opt in methods like reciprocity.io can let mutually-interested people discover their shared preference in a way that works well for both people who struggle to read social cues and people who don’t want to receive unsolicited clear expressions of interest.
Some, though not all, men in EA subscribe to an ask culture philosophy which endorses asking for things, including dates, even when the answer is probably no. This almost definitely contributes to the problems Keerthana points out. A small number of guys endorsing this philosophy can make multiple women feel uncomfortable.
I think this is bad. Some people point out that the alternative, guess culture, is more difficult for people who struggle to read social cues. But if there’s a trade-off between making this community safe and comfortable for women and making it easier for guys to find dates, then, sorry, there’s only one reasonable choice.
Keerthana’s formal suggestions are worthy of consideration. I also think there’s a cultural element, created and enforced through social norms, that will only change when EAs, especially EA men, choose to notice and push back on questionable behaviour from our acquaintances, colleagues, and friends.
Asking and guessing aren’t the only options here: double-opt in methods like reciprocity.io can let mutually-interested people discover their shared preference in a way that works well for both people who struggle to read social cues and people who don’t want to receive unsolicited clear expressions of interest.