I have returned to this post after reading the entirety of Mothers and Others.
Depending on someone’s interpersonal situation, I now believe that parental contributions ideally comprise the following:
Maternal care ~ 30-50%
Paternal care ~ 30-50%
Other care (mostly grandmothers/aunts/child’s siblings/mother’s friends) ~ 30-50%
It seems that “other caretakers” (most desirable being maternal grandmothers) are an absolutely essential requirement for children to thrive, even for those who have highly invested fathers and especially for those who have absent fathers.
My attitude towards absent or apathetic fathers is slightly less negative than it was before reading the book, and subsequently, my belief that successful child rearing requires a strong community of women is slightly up-weighted.
Based on the theory presented in Mothers and Others, I would update my earlier comment…
I know men are very capable, but sometimes get the feeling that they aren’t
…to instead say that men are completely capable as caretakers, but have a bit more of a choice in the matter as to how they contribute their childcare, given societal pressures and competing priorities including mating, hunting, and impressing or protecting others.
I would still be really interested to read others’ thoughts on how paternal priorities change in modern contexts (i.e. what is the modern equivalent of hunting / is hunting obsolete), or the benefits of patriarchal versus matriarchal societies!
Thank you so much Dr. Miller for all of your responses
purplefern—glad you enjoyed the ‘Mothers and Others’ book by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy!
I agree that we see a fair amount of variety in child rearing practices across cultures and time, with varying weights on maternal care, paternal care, and ‘alloparental care’ by other people, which can include close relatives, friends, or neighbors—often female, but of either sex. Modern life does make it difficult to organize informal alloparenting networks, but I guess paid child care and school try to fill the gaps.
I have returned to this post after reading the entirety of Mothers and Others.
Depending on someone’s interpersonal situation, I now believe that parental contributions ideally comprise the following:
Maternal care ~ 30-50%
Paternal care ~ 30-50%
Other care (mostly grandmothers/aunts/child’s siblings/mother’s friends) ~ 30-50%
It seems that “other caretakers” (most desirable being maternal grandmothers) are an absolutely essential requirement for children to thrive, even for those who have highly invested fathers and especially for those who have absent fathers.
My attitude towards absent or apathetic fathers is slightly less negative than it was before reading the book, and subsequently, my belief that successful child rearing requires a strong community of women is slightly up-weighted.
Based on the theory presented in Mothers and Others, I would update my earlier comment…
…to instead say that men are completely capable as caretakers, but have a bit more of a choice in the matter as to how they contribute their childcare, given societal pressures and competing priorities including mating, hunting, and impressing or protecting others.
I would still be really interested to read others’ thoughts on how paternal priorities change in modern contexts (i.e. what is the modern equivalent of hunting / is hunting obsolete), or the benefits of patriarchal versus matriarchal societies!
Thank you so much Dr. Miller for all of your responses
purplefern—glad you enjoyed the ‘Mothers and Others’ book by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy!
I agree that we see a fair amount of variety in child rearing practices across cultures and time, with varying weights on maternal care, paternal care, and ‘alloparental care’ by other people, which can include close relatives, friends, or neighbors—often female, but of either sex. Modern life does make it difficult to organize informal alloparenting networks, but I guess paid child care and school try to fill the gaps.