[Edited to distinguish between “you” the individual and the general “you/us/people.”]
“People have a personal responsibility to tell others to stop what they’re doing if they don’t feel like they want others to do those things. Don’t expect others to read your mind.”
Correction:
“[I believe that] People have a personal responsibility to tell [me] to stop what [I’m] doing if they don’t feel like they want [me] to do those things. Don’t expect [me] to read your mind.”
You can take totally that stance. I personally even like that stance sometimes and have found it empowering sometimes!
We know we can’t actually dictate a reality where everyone else takes that stance?
Even if you might wish it were the case.
Your version of Ought =/= Is.
For a truth-seeking community, I get really frustrated when EAs miss this point. We interact with lots of people — people who believe what you believe, people who believe basically the opposite, and everyone in between. They may believe personal responsibility means modifying your behavior to avoid possible awkwardness, rather than expecting others to inform you if they found the behavior awkward.
Regardless of professed belief, it’s quite common to behave in a way that aligns with this reality:
Giving negative feedback is often uncomfortable or even scary for a lot of humans. They are inconsistent in their willingness or incentives for overcoming that aversion.
People who have or are perceived to have more influence/power/authority over others should recognize that it is socially riskier, more difficult, and more aversive for well-meaning others to give them negative feedback, and act accordingly.
If we want to live according to an accurate model of reality, I think you have to be willing to cope with this reality and try to “read others’ minds” (eg empathize) more.
One can maybe refuse to date people who see “personal responsibility” differently, but one can’t refuse to work with such people.
If I see that someone refuses to accept that this variation exists in the definition of “responsible behavior” in society and in our workplaces and even across different scenarios with the same individuals, if they’re unable or unwilling to modify behavior sometimes to learn from that variation, I hope I don’t have to work with them or refer people I know to work under them.
[Edited to distinguish between “you” the individual and the general “you/us/people.”]
“People have a personal responsibility to tell others to stop what they’re doing if they don’t feel like they want others to do those things. Don’t expect others to read your mind.”
Correction: “[I believe that] People have a personal responsibility to tell [me] to stop what [I’m] doing if they don’t feel like they want [me] to do those things. Don’t expect [me] to read your mind.”
You can take totally that stance. I personally even like that stance sometimes and have found it empowering sometimes!
We know we can’t actually dictate a reality where everyone else takes that stance? Even if you might wish it were the case. Your version of Ought =/= Is.
For a truth-seeking community, I get really frustrated when EAs miss this point. We interact with lots of people — people who believe what you believe, people who believe basically the opposite, and everyone in between. They may believe personal responsibility means modifying your behavior to avoid possible awkwardness, rather than expecting others to inform you if they found the behavior awkward.
Regardless of professed belief, it’s quite common to behave in a way that aligns with this reality: Giving negative feedback is often uncomfortable or even scary for a lot of humans. They are inconsistent in their willingness or incentives for overcoming that aversion. People who have or are perceived to have more influence/power/authority over others should recognize that it is socially riskier, more difficult, and more aversive for well-meaning others to give them negative feedback, and act accordingly.
If we want to live according to an accurate model of reality, I think you have to be willing to cope with this reality and try to “read others’ minds” (eg empathize) more.
One can maybe refuse to date people who see “personal responsibility” differently, but one can’t refuse to work with such people.
If I see that someone refuses to accept that this variation exists in the definition of “responsible behavior” in society and in our workplaces and even across different scenarios with the same individuals, if they’re unable or unwilling to modify behavior sometimes to learn from that variation, I hope I don’t have to work with them or refer people I know to work under them.