Really sorry to hear that you feel like that. I’m glad you find writing about it therapeutic. One thing you can try—it’s worked for me—is to write down a “toolbox” of things (such as writing) that allow you to feel better about yourself when you’re feeling bad.
This could even include taking 1-2 hours to criticize yourself—if that’s what works for you. But having other options might help. Writing them down somewhere visible can help too.
The reason I’m bringing this up is that—for me at least—the mindframe you describe isn’t helpful for making big decisions, or even for applying to jobs. So I think that knowing when you’re at your best and knowing some things you can try to help you return to that state, is great.
Also really sorry to hear that you’re feeling low status on account of a successful role-model. I’ve felt that one too, although for me it wasn’t a parent but rather other members of the EA community who I saw as having accomplished more than I had. I’d love if there was some neat package of advice I could give here, but the only way out I know of involves a lot of grit—gradually learning to compare yourself to your own standards and finding success spirals.
It’s really sweet and amazing that you’re not blaming anyone in the community for making you feel this way—I know it’s not anyone’s intention to get you to choose a career you’re not at all passionate about for EA reasons, but some of the advice can sometimes sound a bit like that.
Also bear in mind that the career advice from 80,000 Hours isn’t to get it right first time, but to allow yourself room to explore and find new directions. Some high-profile EAs have done exactly that, doing a career u-turn when they discover some other path that for them is more effective or more satisfying. So it may be that there’s a fun, fulfilling career out there for you—that’s effective in helping others—and that lies outside of STEM. Or maybe your current field is right for you after all, and you just need to find the right people to make it exciting for you.
Good luck, and thanks so much for opening up. I’m sure what you’re saying resonates with a lot of people.
Hi Anonymous,
Really sorry to hear that you feel like that. I’m glad you find writing about it therapeutic. One thing you can try—it’s worked for me—is to write down a “toolbox” of things (such as writing) that allow you to feel better about yourself when you’re feeling bad.
This could even include taking 1-2 hours to criticize yourself—if that’s what works for you. But having other options might help. Writing them down somewhere visible can help too.
The reason I’m bringing this up is that—for me at least—the mindframe you describe isn’t helpful for making big decisions, or even for applying to jobs. So I think that knowing when you’re at your best and knowing some things you can try to help you return to that state, is great.
Also really sorry to hear that you’re feeling low status on account of a successful role-model. I’ve felt that one too, although for me it wasn’t a parent but rather other members of the EA community who I saw as having accomplished more than I had. I’d love if there was some neat package of advice I could give here, but the only way out I know of involves a lot of grit—gradually learning to compare yourself to your own standards and finding success spirals.
It’s really sweet and amazing that you’re not blaming anyone in the community for making you feel this way—I know it’s not anyone’s intention to get you to choose a career you’re not at all passionate about for EA reasons, but some of the advice can sometimes sound a bit like that.
Also bear in mind that the career advice from 80,000 Hours isn’t to get it right first time, but to allow yourself room to explore and find new directions. Some high-profile EAs have done exactly that, doing a career u-turn when they discover some other path that for them is more effective or more satisfying. So it may be that there’s a fun, fulfilling career out there for you—that’s effective in helping others—and that lies outside of STEM. Or maybe your current field is right for you after all, and you just need to find the right people to make it exciting for you.
Good luck, and thanks so much for opening up. I’m sure what you’re saying resonates with a lot of people.