I suspect the ‘edge cases’ illustrate a large part of the general problem: there are a lot of grey areas here, where finding the right course requires a context-specific application of good judgement. E.g. what ‘counts’ as being (too?) high status, or seeking to start a ‘not serious’ (enough?) relationship etc. etc. is often unclear in non-extreme cases—even to the individuals directly involved themselves. I think I agree with most of the factors noted by the OP as being pro tanto cautions, but aliasing them into a bright line classifier for what is or isn’t contraindicated looks generally unsatisfactory.
This residual ambiguity makes life harder, as if you can’t provide a substitute for good judgement, guidance and recommendations (rather than rulings) may not give great prospects for those with poorer or compromised judgement to bootstrap their way to better decisions. The various fudge factors give ample opportunity for motivated reasoning (“I know generally this would be inappropriate, but I license myself to do it in this particular circumstance”), and sexual attraction is not an archetypal precipitant for wisdom and restraint. Third parties weighing in on perceived impropriety may be less self-serving, but potentially more error-prone, and definitely a lot more acrimonious—I doubt many welcome public or public-ish inquiries or criticism upon the intimate details of their personal lives (“Oh yeah? Maybe before you have a go at me you should explain {what you did/what one of your close friends did/rumours about what someone at your org did/etc.}, which was far worse and your silence then makes you a hypocrite for calling me out now.”/ “I don’t recall us signing up to ‘the EA community’, but we definitely didn’t sign up for collective running commentary and ceaseless gossip about our sex lives. Kindly consider us ‘EA-adjacant’ or whatever, and mind your own business”/etc.)
FWIW I have—for quite a while, and in a few different respects—noted that intermingling personal and professional lives is often fraught, and encouraged caution and circumspection for things which narrow the distance between them still further. EA-land can be a chimera of a journal club, a salutatorian model UN, a church youth group, and a swingers party—these aspects are not the most harmonious in concert. There is ample evidence—even more ample recently—that ‘encouraging caution’ or similar doesn’t cut it. I don’t think the OP has the right answer, but I do not have great ideas myself: it is much easier to criticise than do better.
I suspect the ‘edge cases’ illustrate a large part of the general problem: there are a lot of grey areas here, where finding the right course requires a context-specific application of good judgement. E.g. what ‘counts’ as being (too?) high status, or seeking to start a ‘not serious’ (enough?) relationship etc. etc. is often unclear in non-extreme cases—even to the individuals directly involved themselves. I think I agree with most of the factors noted by the OP as being pro tanto cautions, but aliasing them into a bright line classifier for what is or isn’t contraindicated looks generally unsatisfactory.
This residual ambiguity makes life harder, as if you can’t provide a substitute for good judgement, guidance and recommendations (rather than rulings) may not give great prospects for those with poorer or compromised judgement to bootstrap their way to better decisions. The various fudge factors give ample opportunity for motivated reasoning (“I know generally this would be inappropriate, but I license myself to do it in this particular circumstance”), and sexual attraction is not an archetypal precipitant for wisdom and restraint. Third parties weighing in on perceived impropriety may be less self-serving, but potentially more error-prone, and definitely a lot more acrimonious—I doubt many welcome public or public-ish inquiries or criticism upon the intimate details of their personal lives (“Oh yeah? Maybe before you have a go at me you should explain {what you did/what one of your close friends did/rumours about what someone at your org did/etc.}, which was far worse and your silence then makes you a hypocrite for calling me out now.”/ “I don’t recall us signing up to ‘the EA community’, but we definitely didn’t sign up for collective running commentary and ceaseless gossip about our sex lives. Kindly consider us ‘EA-adjacant’ or whatever, and mind your own business”/etc.)
FWIW I have—for quite a while, and in a few different respects—noted that intermingling personal and professional lives is often fraught, and encouraged caution and circumspection for things which narrow the distance between them still further. EA-land can be a chimera of a journal club, a salutatorian model UN, a church youth group, and a swingers party—these aspects are not the most harmonious in concert. There is ample evidence—even more ample recently—that ‘encouraging caution’ or similar doesn’t cut it. I don’t think the OP has the right answer, but I do not have great ideas myself: it is much easier to criticise than do better.