if you want to interfere with my private life to that extent there’s a very strong burden of proof upon you
That’s why my advice was for people to consider it personally instead of suggesting a ban or something like that. For clarity’s sake I think a top down ban would be bad, and I don’t think anyone else is proposing a ban either.
I think the issue with “consider” is that like, I suspect most of the people who should be considering this will not and I’d rather give more actionable/precise advice than this for people who are like, struggling with scrupulosity or whatever.
also the issue that people saying “hey that sexually nonnormative thing you’re doing consider not doing that” a lot does create a hostile environment
I suspect most of the people who should be considering this will not
I think if you’re focused only on reducing sexual assault then your point makes sense (I don’t think an abuser will read my post and think “oh okay I won’t assault people then”), but I think if you’re focused on things like reducing the extent to which EAs feel pressured or creeped out by being subjected to certain behaviours then it’s still helpful for people who are not the “worst offenders” to avoid these behaviours. I think both are problem worth addressing and other mechanisms are needed to address sexual assault.
hrmm I think the awkward thing here is ‘socially awkwards around romance and inclined to listen to you’ is going to correlate pretty well to ‘single , insecure +not terribly sexually experienced’ which is going to correlate with ‘will and maybe should be seeking out a serious relationship anyway’ so I think Owen here is kind of the unusual case as someone in this demographic ’sleeping around’
or something
and I can see lots of ways increasing the ambient level of sex-negativity is going to make these people worse/more socially awkward about approaching people
also for poly guys starting out being a secondary partner seems like a good way to get some experience without being too subject to the gender ratio problem
That’s why my advice was for people to consider it personally instead of suggesting a ban or something like that. For clarity’s sake I think a top down ban would be bad, and I don’t think anyone else is proposing a ban either.
I think the issue with “consider” is that like, I suspect most of the people who should be considering this will not
and I’d rather give more actionable/precise advice than this for people who are like, struggling with scrupulosity or whatever.
also the issue that people saying “hey that sexually nonnormative thing you’re doing consider not doing that” a lot does create a hostile environment
I think if you’re focused only on reducing sexual assault then your point makes sense (I don’t think an abuser will read my post and think “oh okay I won’t assault people then”), but I think if you’re focused on things like reducing the extent to which EAs feel pressured or creeped out by being subjected to certain behaviours then it’s still helpful for people who are not the “worst offenders” to avoid these behaviours. I think both are problem worth addressing and other mechanisms are needed to address sexual assault.
hrmm
I think the awkward thing here is ‘socially awkwards around romance and inclined to listen to you’ is going to correlate pretty well to ‘single , insecure +not terribly sexually experienced’ which is going to correlate with ‘will and maybe should be seeking out a serious relationship anyway’
so I think Owen here is kind of the unusual case as someone in this demographic ’sleeping around’
or something
and I can see lots of ways increasing the ambient level of sex-negativity is going to make these people worse/more socially awkward about approaching people
also for poly guys starting out being a secondary partner seems like a good way to get some experience without being too subject to the gender ratio problem