Thanks for sharing, I thought this was interesting and relatable.
For what it’s worth, you seem like a really committed person to me, so I wouldn’t call you lazy (if you’re “lazy”, why can you work 50 hours and managed to perform well in the military?). In some cheeky sense, you might have benefited from being more lazy and “giving up” sooner, rather than trying to push yourself to make it work for years, always hoping that change is around the corner.
In my early twenties I also tried to study computer science and programming for similar reasons (AI safety research, EtG potential). I think I basically gave up after like 1-2 weeks because I did not like it. In some sense, you could say that my own laziness saved me from making the potentially huge mistake of pursuing something for a few years and then burning out/getting stuck in the sunk cost fallacy, etc.
Though that’s usually not how I view it. Over the years I’ve often blamed myself for being a lazy quitter and that I should have tried harder back then to study CS. Otoh, stories like yours are (weak) evidence that it probably wouldn’t have ended well and that I should be glad to have continued to study where my personal fit was higher even though it was (way) less impactful.
Anyways, enough rambling about myself. In my book, you tried really hard to have impact and showed real courage in sharing your story. I think you’re cool. :)
Thanks for sharing, I thought this was interesting and relatable.
For what it’s worth, you seem like a really committed person to me, so I wouldn’t call you lazy (if you’re “lazy”, why can you work 50 hours and managed to perform well in the military?). In some cheeky sense, you might have benefited from being more lazy and “giving up” sooner, rather than trying to push yourself to make it work for years, always hoping that change is around the corner.
In my early twenties I also tried to study computer science and programming for similar reasons (AI safety research, EtG potential). I think I basically gave up after like 1-2 weeks because I did not like it. In some sense, you could say that my own laziness saved me from making the potentially huge mistake of pursuing something for a few years and then burning out/getting stuck in the sunk cost fallacy, etc.
Though that’s usually not how I view it. Over the years I’ve often blamed myself for being a lazy quitter and that I should have tried harder back then to study CS. Otoh, stories like yours are (weak) evidence that it probably wouldn’t have ended well and that I should be glad to have continued to study where my personal fit was higher even though it was (way) less impactful.
Anyways, enough rambling about myself. In my book, you tried really hard to have impact and showed real courage in sharing your story. I think you’re cool. :)
You’re absolutely right David—that’s a better way to live and I’m happy for you, cheers and thank you for the kind words.