Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sure I would have also felt shame and guilt if I were in your situation, though obviously this is not what we want to happen!
My general feeling about situations like this is that there are some grants that are better off not being shared publicly, if the context allows for it (this depends on many complex social factors). Wealthy people spend money on all kinds of outlandish things all over the world yet receive comparably little opprobrium simply because this spending is rarely public. It’s unfair for you to be exposed to the vitriol from regular people expressing their frustration with inequality.
I’m reluctant to say too much about your particular circumstance (given I don’t have context, and this is quite a personal thing), but I think if it were me, I might look for ways to tactfully omit discussion of the grant when first getting to know non-EAs socially. Not because it *is* shameful but just because it may unconsciously make some people uncomfortable. If it does come up, I think there is a way to “check your privilege” while also expressing confidence that you did nothing wrong. I’ve found in my experience, ironically, if I express contrition about something, people are more likely to actually think I did something shameful. Whereas if I sound confident, they tend to have a positive impression of me. These aren’t necessarily bad people, that’s just how humanity is.
While socializing with EAs is wonderful, I agree that it is better to have a diverse social circle including non EAs too!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sure I would have also felt shame and guilt if I were in your situation, though obviously this is not what we want to happen!
My general feeling about situations like this is that there are some grants that are better off not being shared publicly, if the context allows for it (this depends on many complex social factors). Wealthy people spend money on all kinds of outlandish things all over the world yet receive comparably little opprobrium simply because this spending is rarely public. It’s unfair for you to be exposed to the vitriol from regular people expressing their frustration with inequality.
I’m reluctant to say too much about your particular circumstance (given I don’t have context, and this is quite a personal thing), but I think if it were me, I might look for ways to tactfully omit discussion of the grant when first getting to know non-EAs socially. Not because it *is* shameful but just because it may unconsciously make some people uncomfortable. If it does come up, I think there is a way to “check your privilege” while also expressing confidence that you did nothing wrong. I’ve found in my experience, ironically, if I express contrition about something, people are more likely to actually think I did something shameful. Whereas if I sound confident, they tend to have a positive impression of me. These aren’t necessarily bad people, that’s just how humanity is.
While socializing with EAs is wonderful, I agree that it is better to have a diverse social circle including non EAs too!