As someone who has experienced severe depression and suicidal ideation, I do have at least some understanding of what it entails. It’s my own experience that biases me in the way I described. Admittedly, my life has gotten better since then, so it’s not the same thing as a life of just extreme suffering though.
I feel for them. I understand they made a decision in terrible pain, and can sympathize. To me it’s a tragedy.
But I, on an intellectual level think they made an very unfortunate mistake, made in a reasonable ignorance of complex truths that most people can’t be expected to know. And I admit I’m not certain I’m right about this either.
It’s my own experience that biases me in the way I described.
can you explain how?
i believe extreme suffering had the opposite effect on me, making me become a suffering-focused altruist. i don’t actually understand how it could make someone ~not disvalue suffering. (related: ‘small and vulnerable’).
(i mean, i have guesses about how that could happen: like, maybe ~not disvaluing it was the only way to mentally cope with the vast scale of it. living in a world one believes to be evil is hard; easier to not believe it’s evil, somehow; have heard this is a reason many new animal-suffering-boycotters find it hard to continue having an animal-caring worldview.
or, maybe experiencing that level of suffering caused a buddhist enlightenment like thing where you realized suffering isn’t real, or something. though, happiness wouldn’t be real either in that case. i’m actually adjacent to this view, but it sure feels real for the animals, and i would still like to make the world be good for those who believe in it.)
I guess, going through extensive suffering made me cherish the moments of relative happiness all the more, and my struggle to justify my continued existence led me to place value in existence itself, a kind of “life-affirming” view as a way to keep on going.
There were times during my suicidal ideation that I thought that the world might be better off without me, for instance that if I died, they could use my organs to be transplanted and save more lives than I could save by living, that I was a burden and that the resources expended keeping me alive were better used on someone who actually wanted to live.
To counter these ideas, I developed a nexus of other ideas about the meaning of life being about more than just happiness or lack thereof, that truth was also intrinsically important, that existence itself had some apparent value over non-existence.
i’m modelling this as: basic drive to not die → selects values that are compatible with basic drive’s fulfillment.
i’ve been wondering if humans generally do something like this. (in particular to continue having values/cares after ontological crises like: losing belief in a god, or losing a close other who one was dedicated to protecting.)
that I was a burden and that the resources expended keeping me alive were better used on someone who actually wanted to live
in case anyone has similar thoughts: to have the level of altruism to even consider the question is extremely rare. there are probably far better things you can do, than just dying and donating; like earning to give, or direct research, or maybe some third thing you’ll come up with. (most generally, the two traits i think are needed for research are intelligence and creativity. this is a creative, unintuitive moral question to ask. and my perception is that altruism and intelligence correlate, but i could be wrong about that, or biased from mostly seeing EAs.)
i’m modelling this as: basic drive to not die → selects values that are compatible with basic drive’s fulfillment.
i’ve been wondering if humans generally do something like this. (in particular to continue having values/cares after ontological crises like: losing belief in a god, or losing a close other who one was dedicated to protecting.)
This does seem like a good explanation of what happened. It does imply that I had motivated reasoning though, which probably casts some doubt on those values/beliefs being epistemically well grounded.
in case anyone has similar thoughts: to have the level of altruism to even consider the question is extremely rare. there are probably far better things you can do, than just dying and donating; like earning to give, or direct research, or maybe some third thing you’ll come up with. (most generally, the two traits i think are needed for research are intelligence and creativity. this is a creative, unintuitive moral question to ask. and my perception is that altruism and intelligence correlate, but i could be wrong about that, or biased from mostly seeing EAs.)
As someone who has experienced severe depression and suicidal ideation, I do have at least some understanding of what it entails. It’s my own experience that biases me in the way I described. Admittedly, my life has gotten better since then, so it’s not the same thing as a life of just extreme suffering though.
What do you think about people who do go through with suicide? These people clearly thought their suffering outweighed any happiness they experienced.
I feel for them. I understand they made a decision in terrible pain, and can sympathize. To me it’s a tragedy.
But I, on an intellectual level think they made an very unfortunate mistake, made in a reasonable ignorance of complex truths that most people can’t be expected to know. And I admit I’m not certain I’m right about this either.
can you explain how?
i believe extreme suffering had the opposite effect on me, making me become a suffering-focused altruist. i don’t actually understand how it could make someone ~not disvalue suffering. (related: ‘small and vulnerable’).
(i mean, i have guesses about how that could happen: like, maybe ~not disvaluing it was the only way to mentally cope with the vast scale of it. living in a world one believes to be evil is hard; easier to not believe it’s evil, somehow; have heard this is a reason many new animal-suffering-boycotters find it hard to continue having an animal-caring worldview.
or, maybe experiencing that level of suffering caused a buddhist enlightenment like thing where you realized suffering isn’t real, or something. though, happiness wouldn’t be real either in that case. i’m actually adjacent to this view, but it sure feels real for the animals, and i would still like to make the world be good for those who believe in it.)
from your other comment:
it still feels mysterious / that comment seems more like ‘what you prefer and uncertainty’ than ‘why / what caused you to have those preferences’
I guess, going through extensive suffering made me cherish the moments of relative happiness all the more, and my struggle to justify my continued existence led me to place value in existence itself, a kind of “life-affirming” view as a way to keep on going.
There were times during my suicidal ideation that I thought that the world might be better off without me, for instance that if I died, they could use my organs to be transplanted and save more lives than I could save by living, that I was a burden and that the resources expended keeping me alive were better used on someone who actually wanted to live.
To counter these ideas, I developed a nexus of other ideas about the meaning of life being about more than just happiness or lack thereof, that truth was also intrinsically important, that existence itself had some apparent value over non-existence.
i see, thanks for explaining!
i’m modelling this as: basic drive to not die → selects values that are compatible with basic drive’s fulfillment.
i’ve been wondering if humans generally do something like this. (in particular to continue having values/cares after ontological crises like: losing belief in a god, or losing a close other who one was dedicated to protecting.)
in case anyone has similar thoughts: to have the level of altruism to even consider the question is extremely rare. there are probably far better things you can do, than just dying and donating; like earning to give, or direct research, or maybe some third thing you’ll come up with. (most generally, the two traits i think are needed for research are intelligence and creativity. this is a creative, unintuitive moral question to ask. and my perception is that altruism and intelligence correlate, but i could be wrong about that, or biased from mostly seeing EAs.)
Sorry for the delayed response.
This does seem like a good explanation of what happened. It does imply that I had motivated reasoning though, which probably casts some doubt on those values/beliefs being epistemically well grounded.
These words are very kind. Thank you.