I’m going to leave the most excruciatingly annoying comment, but in doing so, prove my point: it is possible to take positive and negative feedback without it affecting you much, if at all.
If you view yourself as unconditionally lovable (as I do myself), then one of two things happen:
someone gives me a compliment, I absorb it like “duh, I know I’m extremely lovable”
someone gives me criticism, I’m like “yeah that’s a point, also I’m extremely lovable”
I think the reason it can feel painful is because what our minds hear during public criticism from an evo psych perspective is;
‘this community hates me’ → ‘I might get kicked out of this community’ → ‘When I get kicked out of community I die’
And I think self love / esteem is a buttress for fear of death.
The reason this is an annoying comment is because I’m not pointing at a problem the community has (which could also be true!), but suggesting the information an individual receives passes through an interpretative matrix in their minds before landing as “harmful”, and that need not be the case.
As the Buddhists like to say: the reality we experience is the one our minds construct.
This can be an extremely hard path, but is transformational if successful.
Shantideva: “You can’t cover the whole world with leather to make it smooth, but you can wear sandals.”
Shunryu Suzuki: “Each of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.”
Hi Nithin! This is basically a life project, so I’ve probably done dozens of things. Instead of listing everything I’ve done, I’ll give you the least intuitive one on the list: try nondual meditation. I recommend starting by downloading Loch Kelly’s app and watching Angelo DiLullo’s YouTube content.
I’m going to leave the most excruciatingly annoying comment, but in doing so, prove my point: it is possible to take positive and negative feedback without it affecting you much, if at all.
If you view yourself as unconditionally lovable (as I do myself), then one of two things happen:
someone gives me a compliment, I absorb it like “duh, I know I’m extremely lovable”
someone gives me criticism, I’m like “yeah that’s a point, also I’m extremely lovable”
I think the reason it can feel painful is because what our minds hear during public criticism from an evo psych perspective is;
‘this community hates me’ → ‘I might get kicked out of this community’ → ‘When I get kicked out of community I die’
And I think self love / esteem is a buttress for fear of death.
The reason this is an annoying comment is because I’m not pointing at a problem the community has (which could also be true!), but suggesting the information an individual receives passes through an interpretative matrix in their minds before landing as “harmful”, and that need not be the case.
As the Buddhists like to say: the reality we experience is the one our minds construct.
This can be an extremely hard path, but is transformational if successful.
Shantideva: “You can’t cover the whole world with leather to make it smooth, but you can wear sandals.”
Shunryu Suzuki: “Each of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.”
You’re so right, but I’m so far away from being at this level...
How did you build your capability for this?
Hi Nithin! This is basically a life project, so I’ve probably done dozens of things. Instead of listing everything I’ve done, I’ll give you the least intuitive one on the list: try nondual meditation. I recommend starting by downloading Loch Kelly’s app and watching Angelo DiLullo’s YouTube content.
Here is Angelo being interviewed:
Thanks Yanni! I’ve been on the path of nondual meditation for about a year now, and have slowly watched the benefits manifest.
Nice! Have you had any breakthroughs yet?