Rule 0: “If something feels awkward or scary to say, you must find a way to say it.”
Receiving Feedback: Make it uncostly for others to give it!: “Thanks for your feedback.” Questions to understand the core of the feedback are fine; justifying yourself or arguing whether the feedback is correct is out of place. If feedback causes a strong emotional reaction for you, it can help to say internally: “I’m not on the world to live up to your expectations.”
Withholds—General structure:
A: “[Name], I have a withhold for you. Do you want to hear it?”
B: “Yes”/”No”
A—if yes: “When you did x, I felt y. (Because I thought/needed z. Could you do a for me now?)”
B—“Thank you.”
How strictly you follow the structure, and whether you go for polite and safe “I”-statements or just fire away with your judgments depends on your relationship to the other person. Anything goes, as long as it doesn’t threaten a fundamental attitude of “you and me versus the problem” rather than “you versus me”.
Here are the links we promised:
The Noticing Game: https://www.wouter.org/authentic-relating/notice-imagine-feel-speaking-truth/
Decide 10: https://medium.com/prototypethinking/the-should-we-do-this-rating-system-3aac062b1b91
Rule 0: “If something feels awkward or scary to say, you must find a way to say it.”
Receiving Feedback: Make it uncostly for others to give it!: “Thanks for your feedback.” Questions to understand the core of the feedback are fine; justifying yourself or arguing whether the feedback is correct is out of place. If feedback causes a strong emotional reaction for you, it can help to say internally: “I’m not on the world to live up to your expectations.”
Withholds—General structure:
A: “[Name], I have a withhold for you. Do you want to hear it?”
B: “Yes”/”No”
A—if yes: “When you did x, I felt y. (Because I thought/needed z. Could you do a for me now?)”
B—“Thank you.”
How strictly you follow the structure, and whether you go for polite and safe “I”-statements or just fire away with your judgments depends on your relationship to the other person. Anything goes, as long as it doesn’t threaten a fundamental attitude of “you and me versus the problem” rather than “you versus me”.
Online Feedback tool: www.admonymous.co
If you haven’t done so already, we greatly appreciate hearing from you:
Luz: https://www.admonymous.co/luz
Severin: https://www.admonymous.co/sts-4