Hi Jack, the policy update game you posted reminds me of some of the writing by William B. Irvine. He is a philosophy professor and has published a few books on Stoicism.
He has a book about insults and how our reaction to them stem from humans naturally being very aware of their place in a community’s hierarchy. Of course having a higher place in the hierarchy feels “good” but being in a lower position feels “bad.” Irvine suggests trying not to play the hierarchy game at all because it frees you from the anxiety of where you are on the totem poll. This is difficult and unnatural, but I think is an interesting thought.
IMO, when it comes to making mistakes in social settings (or at least mistakes only one perceives) the best way through it is with some sort of compassion practice to oneself or the other person. I think before assuming you made a mistake you could add the question of “if someone did that thing to me, could I easily forgive them?” If the answer is yes, then maybe don’t sweat it because generally we think of ourselves way more than we think others do[1]. If the answer is no, immediately apologize, forgive yourself, and move on. Either way, it’s mentally taxing being too critical of yourself of a mistake you may or may not have made.
Hi Jack, the policy update game you posted reminds me of some of the writing by William B. Irvine. He is a philosophy professor and has published a few books on Stoicism.
He has a book about insults and how our reaction to them stem from humans naturally being very aware of their place in a community’s hierarchy. Of course having a higher place in the hierarchy feels “good” but being in a lower position feels “bad.” Irvine suggests trying not to play the hierarchy game at all because it frees you from the anxiety of where you are on the totem poll. This is difficult and unnatural, but I think is an interesting thought.
IMO, when it comes to making mistakes in social settings (or at least mistakes only one perceives) the best way through it is with some sort of compassion practice to oneself or the other person. I think before assuming you made a mistake you could add the question of “if someone did that thing to me, could I easily forgive them?” If the answer is yes, then maybe don’t sweat it because generally we think of ourselves way more than we think others do[1]. If the answer is no, immediately apologize, forgive yourself, and move on. Either way, it’s mentally taxing being too critical of yourself of a mistake you may or may not have made.
https://medium.com/the-ascent/research-confirms-that-no-one-is-really-thinking-about-you-f6e7b09c458
Article I skimmed through that as the main argument I’m suggesting.