Good points! It seems good to take a break or at least move to the meta level.
I think one emotion that is probably quite common in discussions about what norms should be (at least in my own experience) is clinging. Quoting from Joe Carlsmith’s post on it:
Clinging, as I think about it, is a certain mental flavor or cluster of related flavors. It feels contracted, tight, clenched, and narrow. It has a kind of hardness, a “not OK-ness,” and a (sometimes subtle) kind of desperation. It sees scarcity. It grabs. It sees threat. It pushes away. It carries seeds of resentments and complaints. [...]
Often, in my experience, clinging seems to hijack attention and agency. It makes it harder to think, weigh considerations, and respond. You are more likely to flail, or stumble around, or to “find yourself” doing something rather than choosing to do it. And you’re more likely, as well, to become pre-occupied by certain decisions — especially if both options involve things you’re clinging in relation to — or events. Indeed, clinging sometimes seems like it treats certain outcomes as “infinitely bad,” or at least bad enough that avoiding them is something like a hard constraint. This can cause consequent problems with reasoning about what costs to pay to avoid what risks.
Clinging is also, centrally, unpleasant. But it’s a particular type of unpleasant, which feels more like it grabs and restricts and distorts who you are than e.g. a headache.
In the midst of feeling like a lot is at stake and one’s values are being threatened, we may often try to push the social pendulum in our desired direction as hard as possible. However, that will have an aggravating and polarizing effect on the debate because the other side will see your attitude and think, “this person is not making any concessions whatsoever, and it seems like even though the social pendulum is already favorable to them, they’ll keep pushing against us!”
So, to de-escalate these dynamics, it seems valuable to acknowledge the values that are at stake for both sides, even just to flag that you’re not in favor of pushing the pendulum as far as possible.
For instance, maybe this would already feel more relaxed if the side that is concerned about losing what’s valuable regarding “truth-seeking” can acknowledge that there is a bar also for them, that, if they thought they were dealing with people full of hate or people who advocate for views that predictably cause harm to others (while being aware of this but advocating for those views because of a lack of concern for the affected others), the “truth-seeking” proponents will indeed step in and not tolerate it. Likewise, the other side could maybe acknowledge that it’s bad when people get shunned just based on superficial associations/vibes (to give an example of something that I think is superficial: saying “sounds like they’re into eugenics” as though this should end the discussion, without pointing out any way in which what the person is discussing is hateful, lacks compassion, or is otherwise likely to cause harm). This is bad not just for well-intentioned individuals who might get unfairly ostracized, but also bad for discourse in general because people won’t speak their minds any longer.
Good points! It seems good to take a break or at least move to the meta level.
I think one emotion that is probably quite common in discussions about what norms should be (at least in my own experience) is clinging. Quoting from Joe Carlsmith’s post on it:
In the midst of feeling like a lot is at stake and one’s values are being threatened, we may often try to push the social pendulum in our desired direction as hard as possible. However, that will have an aggravating and polarizing effect on the debate because the other side will see your attitude and think, “this person is not making any concessions whatsoever, and it seems like even though the social pendulum is already favorable to them, they’ll keep pushing against us!”
So, to de-escalate these dynamics, it seems valuable to acknowledge the values that are at stake for both sides, even just to flag that you’re not in favor of pushing the pendulum as far as possible.
For instance, maybe this would already feel more relaxed if the side that is concerned about losing what’s valuable regarding “truth-seeking” can acknowledge that there is a bar also for them, that, if they thought they were dealing with people full of hate or people who advocate for views that predictably cause harm to others (while being aware of this but advocating for those views because of a lack of concern for the affected others), the “truth-seeking” proponents will indeed step in and not tolerate it. Likewise, the other side could maybe acknowledge that it’s bad when people get shunned just based on superficial associations/vibes (to give an example of something that I think is superficial: saying “sounds like they’re into eugenics” as though this should end the discussion, without pointing out any way in which what the person is discussing is hateful, lacks compassion, or is otherwise likely to cause harm). This is bad not just for well-intentioned individuals who might get unfairly ostracized, but also bad for discourse in general because people won’t speak their minds any longer.