Note: This is collected from a number of people in an EA facebook group that I found in my google drive. I figured it was worth posting up as a shortform in case others find it valuable.
Tips
Delegation to those with more time/suitability
Don’t have un-prioritised tasks on your to-do list. Put them somewhere else out of sight—if they’re a good idea in a ‘some day’ pile, if they’re not very important bin (or delegate)
I keep my actual “To Do” list v. small these days and don’t agree to do anything outside of it, but I do put a lot of stuff on a list I call “Ideas” (which is still roughly prioritised). So then I have achievable goals and anything else feels like a bonus.
On saying no but not wanting to offend: I think that saying I’m too busy for what they’ve requested and offering something much smaller instead has helped me. Seems to be a good deal in terms of time saved and how offended they are. (This was when I gave up on my plan of just caring much less about upsetting people...too difficult!)
For regular things, I see two angles to work on: saying no more before commiting, and letting things you’ve got on already go/be less sticky.
For saying no: I actually had a really bad case of this with getting excited about something in the moment and then committing/investing in it and regretting later. It was really bad, and after one regretful experience I made myself a form which I had to fill out before I could take on any new project which asked me various questions about the project and how it connected to my long-term (year-scale) goals. I can forward you this form if you like. I only used it a few times but I think it helped. Curiously just process of making the form helped _a lot_ in hindsight (some self-signalling thing probably, not sure if it works as well if you’re conscious of it, quite possibly).
For letting go… what makes it hard to let go of things for you? Here is a list of things that make it hard for me and some possible solutions:
- I want the thing to happen and I’m scared it won’t if I pull out (delegate, communicate and encourage others to take more ownership)
- I’m scared the chance will be gone later if I don’t take it now (journal about it, is it really true, is it really that bad if I miss it, can I achieve the same goal another way)
- That I’ll let someone down, or a feeling that that’s the case (check with the person)
For one-off things:
Is the sources of these often the same or different? If the same, maybe talking to the source of these so they can help you filter would be good. If different, it sounds like you’re in a role where that happens by nature of your role—is that the role you want to be in? Is there a way to triage/filter a bit first (again maybe someone else can do that?).
As time goes on you might want to move the bar for how good an opportunity should be before you take it on. For example, maybe you’re happy to give talks for good causes but now you’re getting more requests. Assuming you don’t want to go above a certain amount of giving talks, you’ll have to say no to good causes in order to say yes to great ones, or otherwise you’ll end up eating more time than you wanted to on giving talks. You can also pass on the good but not great ones to others (although this also takes some time).
Rise by Patty Azzarello. The purpose of the book is to talk about career planning and how to be a good manager, but to do that it also talks about HOW to work in Part 1. Many of the things she wrote about resonated with me because I have tried to just push through an unrealistic workload instead of thinking more strategically. It’s also written in a nice and short way without too much fluff around it. And I found the advice to be actionable. Not just “Prioritise better!” but instead: “Here is the process of figuring out your ruthless priorities”
Thank you so much for this—I found it surprisingly comprehensive given its brevity. I especially appreciate you outlining the various ways in which you address the motivations behind something being hard to let go, which feel more concrete than some advice I’ve come across.
I made myself a form which I had to fill out before I could take on any new project which asked me various questions about the project and how it connected to my long-term (year-scale) goals.
I would be really interested in taking a peek at the form. : ) Delegating more is something I’m working on and I feel like I’m slowly becoming better at it, but clearly still not good enough since I continue to burn out.
Hey Miranda! Actually this was a collection of other people’s (pretty cool) responses so sadly I don’t have the form :(. Agreed that delegating is hard!
let me see if I can ask the original commentor—I definitely think it would be valuable!
Resources for feeling good about prioritising
Note: This is collected from a number of people in an EA facebook group that I found in my google drive. I figured it was worth posting up as a shortform in case others find it valuable.
Tips
Delegation to those with more time/suitability
Don’t have un-prioritised tasks on your to-do list. Put them somewhere else out of sight—if they’re a good idea in a ‘some day’ pile, if they’re not very important bin (or delegate)
I keep my actual “To Do” list v. small these days and don’t agree to do anything outside of it, but I do put a lot of stuff on a list I call “Ideas” (which is still roughly prioritised). So then I have achievable goals and anything else feels like a bonus.
On saying no but not wanting to offend: I think that saying I’m too busy for what they’ve requested and offering something much smaller instead has helped me. Seems to be a good deal in terms of time saved and how offended they are. (This was when I gave up on my plan of just caring much less about upsetting people...too difficult!)
For regular things, I see two angles to work on: saying no more before commiting, and letting things you’ve got on already go/be less sticky.
For saying no: I actually had a really bad case of this with getting excited about something in the moment and then committing/investing in it and regretting later. It was really bad, and after one regretful experience I made myself a form which I had to fill out before I could take on any new project which asked me various questions about the project and how it connected to my long-term (year-scale) goals. I can forward you this form if you like. I only used it a few times but I think it helped. Curiously just process of making the form helped _a lot_ in hindsight (some self-signalling thing probably, not sure if it works as well if you’re conscious of it, quite possibly).
For letting go… what makes it hard to let go of things for you? Here is a list of things that make it hard for me and some possible solutions:
- I want the thing to happen and I’m scared it won’t if I pull out (delegate, communicate and encourage others to take more ownership)
- I’m scared the chance will be gone later if I don’t take it now (journal about it, is it really true, is it really that bad if I miss it, can I achieve the same goal another way)
- That I’ll let someone down, or a feeling that that’s the case (check with the person)
For one-off things:
Is the sources of these often the same or different? If the same, maybe talking to the source of these so they can help you filter would be good. If different, it sounds like you’re in a role where that happens by nature of your role—is that the role you want to be in? Is there a way to triage/filter a bit first (again maybe someone else can do that?).
As time goes on you might want to move the bar for how good an opportunity should be before you take it on. For example, maybe you’re happy to give talks for good causes but now you’re getting more requests. Assuming you don’t want to go above a certain amount of giving talks, you’ll have to say no to good causes in order to say yes to great ones, or otherwise you’ll end up eating more time than you wanted to on giving talks. You can also pass on the good but not great ones to others (although this also takes some time).
Books
“When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy.”
Sustainable motivation | Helen Toner | EA Global: San Francisco 2019
Essentialism: The disciplined pursuit of less. (Short Summary)
A very short blogpost of the author about declining without harming the relationship
Rise by Patty Azzarello. The purpose of the book is to talk about career planning and how to be a good manager, but to do that it also talks about HOW to work in Part 1. Many of the things she wrote about resonated with me because I have tried to just push through an unrealistic workload instead of thinking more strategically. It’s also written in a nice and short way without too much fluff around it. And I found the advice to be actionable. Not just “Prioritise better!” but instead: “Here is the process of figuring out your ruthless priorities”
Article: Learn When to Say No and podcast: The Subtle Art of Saying No
Thank you so much for this—I found it surprisingly comprehensive given its brevity. I especially appreciate you outlining the various ways in which you address the motivations behind something being hard to let go, which feel more concrete than some advice I’ve come across.
I would be really interested in taking a peek at the form. : ) Delegating more is something I’m working on and I feel like I’m slowly becoming better at it, but clearly still not good enough since I continue to burn out.
Hey Miranda! Actually this was a collection of other people’s (pretty cool) responses so sadly I don’t have the form :(. Agreed that delegating is hard!
let me see if I can ask the original commentor—I definitely think it would be valuable!
oh my bad, I must’ve misread. Thank you!