I’m actively choosing not to go out with people who I don’t find particularly interesting or fun (i.e., people in the “they’re nice” category, but who either aren’t really interested in the type of discussion I want to have, are really judgemental/cynical about trying new things, etc.). Before, I’d feel like I needed to be nice and make friends with everybody or I’d be a mean person, but as my social circle has expanded and the number of things I’ve wanted to do has increased, I’ve become more selective.
Oddly, this has actually made me enjoy meeting new people much more. I’m always willing to give the benefit of the doubt that I could have a really good conversation, or really good connection, with someone I haven’t met—but am not too disappointed, and don’t feel “guilted” into spending time with someone, if I don’t.
Similarly, I’m actively selective of the people and social groups I spend time with. This is important.
I happen to have an identical twin. He spends a lot more time than I do with school friends, and a lot less time with effective altruists. While we’re ideologically almost the same, I tend to act more on my EA beliefs, and my ‘actively choosing to hang out with people who will positively influence me’ has been a big contributing factor to this.
I’ve had a similar shift. One other consideration is that I used to think it was important to spread EA ideas by hanging out with non-EAs primarily, but I’ve come to believe the social influence of other EAs makes me more effective.
I’m actively choosing not to go out with people who I don’t find particularly interesting or fun (i.e., people in the “they’re nice” category, but who either aren’t really interested in the type of discussion I want to have, are really judgemental/cynical about trying new things, etc.). Before, I’d feel like I needed to be nice and make friends with everybody or I’d be a mean person, but as my social circle has expanded and the number of things I’ve wanted to do has increased, I’ve become more selective.
Oddly, this has actually made me enjoy meeting new people much more. I’m always willing to give the benefit of the doubt that I could have a really good conversation, or really good connection, with someone I haven’t met—but am not too disappointed, and don’t feel “guilted” into spending time with someone, if I don’t.
Similarly, I’m actively selective of the people and social groups I spend time with. This is important.
I happen to have an identical twin. He spends a lot more time than I do with school friends, and a lot less time with effective altruists. While we’re ideologically almost the same, I tend to act more on my EA beliefs, and my ‘actively choosing to hang out with people who will positively influence me’ has been a big contributing factor to this.
I’ve had a similar shift. One other consideration is that I used to think it was important to spread EA ideas by hanging out with non-EAs primarily, but I’ve come to believe the social influence of other EAs makes me more effective.