I do think you could compromise, but I worry that some EAs won’t want to. If you take Peter Singer’s drowning child thought experiment seriously you may not want to placate your non-EA girlfriend by going on that holiday abroad.
Taking that thought experiment seriously for many people really will entail a high degree of demandingness without much room for compromise.
I see the underlying idea here that everyone involved in EA is a “frugal vegan”. I haven’t been able to find any data, but my impression is that less than half of people involved in EA are vegan.
Similarly, you talk about not wanting to compromise on your spending habits, but the job you do and where you live probably make more of an impact than whether or not you eat cheese or go on holiday. If you meet someone at EA Global and end up taking foreign holidays to visit them in their country or moving to be with them, how is that more “right” than taking your non-EA girlfriend on a holiday?
All this to say that whether or not your girlfriend is an “Effective Altruist”, you’ll need to respect her beliefs and preferences and make some major compromises to have a healthy relationship.
I didn’t mean to make it seem that the underlying idea is that everyone in EA is a frugal vegan, that was meant to be a somewhat humorous example to illustrate a point. I think my core idea is that a significant proportion (but not all) EAs are sufficiently different to the average non-EA person as to make dating outside EA difficult (but not impossible).
I actually am someone who can compromise to a certain extent, for example I went to Singapore for my friend’s wedding in January, but I am thinking of those who don’t feel they can. I accept that one can more than make up for going on a holiday by doing good in their job, but taking a Singerian view seriously still means not going on that holiday in the first place and will probably entail aiming to find a girlfirend who lives nearby and not one who you have to fly to to visit.
All this to say that whether or not your girlfriend is an “Effective Altruist”, you’ll need to respect her beliefs and preferences and make some major compromises to have a healthy relationship.
Absolutely agree. My point is that if two similar EAs are dating these compromises may be less likely to seriously conflict with core ethical beliefs. Of course there will always be more personal compromises to make.
My point about the girlfriend in a different country is that the majority of EAs don’t live in your city, so if you decided to use an online dating service you’d be disproportionately likely to meet someone who lives a plane ride away.
Fair point. Overall I think I’m more positive about singles events / speed dating than a dating website. But I accept concerns over being able to find the right numbers and coming off as slightly cultish
I do think you could compromise, but I worry that some EAs won’t want to. If you take Peter Singer’s drowning child thought experiment seriously you may not want to placate your non-EA girlfriend by going on that holiday abroad.
Taking that thought experiment seriously for many people really will entail a high degree of demandingness without much room for compromise.
I see the underlying idea here that everyone involved in EA is a “frugal vegan”. I haven’t been able to find any data, but my impression is that less than half of people involved in EA are vegan.
Similarly, you talk about not wanting to compromise on your spending habits, but the job you do and where you live probably make more of an impact than whether or not you eat cheese or go on holiday. If you meet someone at EA Global and end up taking foreign holidays to visit them in their country or moving to be with them, how is that more “right” than taking your non-EA girlfriend on a holiday?
All this to say that whether or not your girlfriend is an “Effective Altruist”, you’ll need to respect her beliefs and preferences and make some major compromises to have a healthy relationship.
I didn’t mean to make it seem that the underlying idea is that everyone in EA is a frugal vegan, that was meant to be a somewhat humorous example to illustrate a point. I think my core idea is that a significant proportion (but not all) EAs are sufficiently different to the average non-EA person as to make dating outside EA difficult (but not impossible).
I actually am someone who can compromise to a certain extent, for example I went to Singapore for my friend’s wedding in January, but I am thinking of those who don’t feel they can. I accept that one can more than make up for going on a holiday by doing good in their job, but taking a Singerian view seriously still means not going on that holiday in the first place and will probably entail aiming to find a girlfirend who lives nearby and not one who you have to fly to to visit.
Absolutely agree. My point is that if two similar EAs are dating these compromises may be less likely to seriously conflict with core ethical beliefs. Of course there will always be more personal compromises to make.
My point about the girlfriend in a different country is that the majority of EAs don’t live in your city, so if you decided to use an online dating service you’d be disproportionately likely to meet someone who lives a plane ride away.
Fair point. Overall I think I’m more positive about singles events / speed dating than a dating website. But I accept concerns over being able to find the right numbers and coming off as slightly cultish