Yes, I think part of feeling like you don’t belong is just pretty normal to being human! So on the outside, this should very much be expected.
But specifically:
I think of myself as very culturally Americanized (or perhaps more accurately EA + general “Western internet culture”), so I don’t really feel like I belong among Chinese people anymore. However, I also have a heavy (Chinese) accent, so I think I’m not usually seen as “one of them” among Americans, or perhaps Westerners in general.
I mitigate this a lot by hanging out in a largely international group. I also strongly prefer written communication to talking, especially to strangers, likely to a large part because of this reason (but it’s usually not conscious).
I also keep meaning to train my accent, but get lazy about it.
I think most EAs are natives to, for want of a better word, “elite culture”:
eg they went to elite high schools and universities,
they may have done regular travel in the summers,
most but not all of them had rich or upper-class parents even by Western standards
Some of them go to burning man and take recreational drugs
Some of them are much more naturally comfortable with navigating certain ambiguities of elite culture
This is modulated somewhat by the fairly high rates of neurodiversity in our community.
In contrast, I think of myself as very much an immigrant to elite culture.
I felt the same way at Google, because of not an elite college background and also didn’t major in CS.
I think elite culture in general, (and very much) EA specifically, portrays itself as aggressively meritocratic. This isn’t entirely true, but the portrayal reflects the underlying reality by a large margin. So I feel pretty bad that I don’t perceive myself as doing things that are “actually impactful”, and also (to a lesser extent) that I’m not working as hard as the EAs I look up to, and producing much less.
There are exceptions and I work hard for things I get very obsessed by, eg. forecasting.
I used to culturally be much more of a gamer, but it’s hard for me to identify that way anymore except to people who don’t game.
I still play games, but (this is hard to describe well) I don’t feel like I’m culturally a gamer anymore.
I’m not sure how to describe it, but I feel like it’s something about gamers usually either
tie a lot of their identity to gaming and game a lot, or
tie a lot of their identity to gaming and game when they can, but have large family or work commitments that makes it infeasible to be gaming a lot.
And I guess I feel like neither really applies to me, exactly?
Even though I think this is for the best, I still am somewhat sad about losing this part of my identity. Board games with EAs help scratch the urge to play games, but not the culture
I feel like there’s a sense that even though I haven’t done much original research in it, I’ve contributed enough secondary ideas/communication to philosophy, and I understand enough academic philosophy, that I weakly should be in the edges of that community. However, I don’t think the philosophers feel this way! 😅
Which is not to say I don’t have friends in philosophy, or that they don’t respect me, to be clear!
Surprisingly, I do not recall feeling like an imposter in the forecasting community.
But at a higher level, I definitely feel like all the communities I think of myself as fully part of (internet culture, college, EA, workplaces, amateur forecasting, etc.) have largely accepted me with open arms, and I’m grateful for that. I also think my emotions are reasonably calibrated here, and I don’t have an undue level of imposter syndrome.
Non-forecasting question: have you ever felt like an outsider in any of the communities you consider yourself to be a part of?
Yes, I think part of feeling like you don’t belong is just pretty normal to being human! So on the outside, this should very much be expected.
But specifically:
I think of myself as very culturally Americanized (or perhaps more accurately EA + general “Western internet culture”), so I don’t really feel like I belong among Chinese people anymore. However, I also have a heavy (Chinese) accent, so I think I’m not usually seen as “one of them” among Americans, or perhaps Westerners in general.
I mitigate this a lot by hanging out in a largely international group. I also strongly prefer written communication to talking, especially to strangers, likely to a large part because of this reason (but it’s usually not conscious).
I also keep meaning to train my accent, but get lazy about it.
I think most EAs are natives to, for want of a better word, “elite culture”:
eg they went to elite high schools and universities,
they may have done regular travel in the summers,
most but not all of them had rich or upper-class parents even by Western standards
Some of them go to burning man and take recreational drugs
Some of them are much more naturally comfortable with navigating certain ambiguities of elite culture
This is modulated somewhat by the fairly high rates of neurodiversity in our community.
In contrast, I think of myself as very much an immigrant to elite culture.
I felt the same way at Google, because of not an elite college background and also didn’t major in CS.
I think elite culture in general, (and very much) EA specifically, portrays itself as aggressively meritocratic. This isn’t entirely true, but the portrayal reflects the underlying reality by a large margin. So I feel pretty bad that I don’t perceive myself as doing things that are “actually impactful”, and also (to a lesser extent) that I’m not working as hard as the EAs I look up to, and producing much less.
There are exceptions and I work hard for things I get very obsessed by, eg. forecasting.
I used to culturally be much more of a gamer, but it’s hard for me to identify that way anymore except to people who don’t game.
I still play games, but (this is hard to describe well) I don’t feel like I’m culturally a gamer anymore.
I’m not sure how to describe it, but I feel like it’s something about gamers usually either
tie a lot of their identity to gaming and game a lot, or
tie a lot of their identity to gaming and game when they can, but have large family or work commitments that makes it infeasible to be gaming a lot.
And I guess I feel like neither really applies to me, exactly?
Even though I think this is for the best, I still am somewhat sad about losing this part of my identity. Board games with EAs help scratch the urge to play games, but not the culture
I feel like there’s a sense that even though I haven’t done much original research in it, I’ve contributed enough secondary ideas/communication to philosophy, and I understand enough academic philosophy, that I weakly should be in the edges of that community. However, I don’t think the philosophers feel this way! 😅
Which is not to say I don’t have friends in philosophy, or that they don’t respect me, to be clear!
Surprisingly, I do not recall feeling like an imposter in the forecasting community.
But at a higher level, I definitely feel like all the communities I think of myself as fully part of (internet culture, college, EA, workplaces, amateur forecasting, etc.) have largely accepted me with open arms, and I’m grateful for that. I also think my emotions are reasonably calibrated here, and I don’t have an undue level of imposter syndrome.