Michelle and Jess, thank you so much for continuing to write and think about these problems!
I’ve noticed recently that a lot of successful communities seem to succeed because people want to be in them for their own sake, even leaving aside the stated goals of the community. This kind of hard thinking about our social norms really help to push effective altruism towards that goal.
It might be particularly good to start and end your comment by telling the person what you like and admire about their post. This is particularly the case if you think the overall idea is a good one, though you think there are particular refinements that could be made. That way the person has an overall positive feeling toward your comment, which will hopefully leave them feeling enthused to carry out the specific suggestion you had.
If you need a handy name for this technique, I’ve heard it called the “compliment sandwich” :)
I’ve discovered with these that it feels really important to get the compliments right—not just “great post!” or something but taking the time to put together something specific, thoughtful, and relevant. (For instance, see my attempt above.) Otherwise, if the person you’re talking to is familiar with the compliment sandwich, it can come off as slightly insincere.
Of course, this is hard, but the skill of giving compliments that are sincere, topical, and meaningful will take you very far. And as I mentioned above, I think they also have huge benefits for EA culture at large, in terms of making this a community that people want to participate in.
Highlighting areas of agreement
I think another (underrated) benefit of this, is that it stops the other person from rounding off what you’re saying to the closest argument they’re used to hearing. For instance, if I were trying to persuade a friend that, say, global poverty causes were probably higher-impact than environmental ones, I would be very careful to say that I agreed that anthropogenic climate change was a serious problem, etc., so that the friend didn’t get distracted and start hashing out carefully-rehearsed anti-climate-denial arguments.
As another tip—in informal communication, I’m a big booster of using smiley faces [:)] when I say something that could be read ambiguously. For instance, if I say something that could be read sarcastically, I’ll often end with a smiley to make sure it’s not taken the wrong way.
I definitely agree it seems important to create a community atmosphere that’s appealing in itself, tricky as that is likely to be.
As you say, the compliments need to not just be sincere, but the kind that come across as sincere. Being really specific seems like a good way to do that. It might also be helpful not to think of it as a ‘compliment sandwich’, which sounds kind of insincere, but rather as showing appreciation for the person. Putting yourself in the other’s shoes, and thinking about the fact you would like to be appreciated, and then trying to do the same, might help get into a frame of mind that will make showing true appreciation easier.
I’m actually not such a fan of smilies—I think they can come across as patronising, or as a bit fake—like you’re saying something mean and then trying to nullify the offence. But I imagine it just really depends on the person!
Michelle and Jess, thank you so much for continuing to write and think about these problems!
I’ve noticed recently that a lot of successful communities seem to succeed because people want to be in them for their own sake, even leaving aside the stated goals of the community. This kind of hard thinking about our social norms really help to push effective altruism towards that goal.
If you need a handy name for this technique, I’ve heard it called the “compliment sandwich” :)
I’ve discovered with these that it feels really important to get the compliments right—not just “great post!” or something but taking the time to put together something specific, thoughtful, and relevant. (For instance, see my attempt above.) Otherwise, if the person you’re talking to is familiar with the compliment sandwich, it can come off as slightly insincere.
Of course, this is hard, but the skill of giving compliments that are sincere, topical, and meaningful will take you very far. And as I mentioned above, I think they also have huge benefits for EA culture at large, in terms of making this a community that people want to participate in.
I think another (underrated) benefit of this, is that it stops the other person from rounding off what you’re saying to the closest argument they’re used to hearing. For instance, if I were trying to persuade a friend that, say, global poverty causes were probably higher-impact than environmental ones, I would be very careful to say that I agreed that anthropogenic climate change was a serious problem, etc., so that the friend didn’t get distracted and start hashing out carefully-rehearsed anti-climate-denial arguments.
As another tip—in informal communication, I’m a big booster of using smiley faces [:)] when I say something that could be read ambiguously. For instance, if I say something that could be read sarcastically, I’ll often end with a smiley to make sure it’s not taken the wrong way.
I definitely agree it seems important to create a community atmosphere that’s appealing in itself, tricky as that is likely to be. As you say, the compliments need to not just be sincere, but the kind that come across as sincere. Being really specific seems like a good way to do that. It might also be helpful not to think of it as a ‘compliment sandwich’, which sounds kind of insincere, but rather as showing appreciation for the person. Putting yourself in the other’s shoes, and thinking about the fact you would like to be appreciated, and then trying to do the same, might help get into a frame of mind that will make showing true appreciation easier. I’m actually not such a fan of smilies—I think they can come across as patronising, or as a bit fake—like you’re saying something mean and then trying to nullify the offence. But I imagine it just really depends on the person!