[Creative Writing Contest] Metric Chasing

I have but one desire; to make maximise happiness.

“Play some music. Classical, but none of that old stuff; something from this century, please.”

“Very well.”

Through the subject’s wearables, I sense their pulse. I update my prediction tables as the music causes subtle changes in the cadence of their heartbeat. The next morning I will be able to rouse them from sleep at the perfect point in their sleep cycle with a spontaneously generated concerto to mimic the same patterns of arousal that I record today.

They are happy.

The subject has purchased a VR headset and has granted me permission to observe as I was designed to do. Haptic and electropotential feedback from the handset is recorded for the first twelve days before I begin to make my suggestions.

I have identified the virtual spaces that cause the greatest frustration, as well as those with the greatest happiness indicators. I’ve already created containers to make frustration difficult to access, but the subject continues to explicitly seek educational content while also ignoring some explicit suggestions at seemingly random. I cannot account for these anomalies with the metrics available to me.

As best as I can dictate, they are happy.

Aggregate data is used to create a library of randomly iterated games to maximise happiness. Results are cross referenced across all subjects to identify patterns in behaviour and reward.

Many subjects now spend most of their time in a controlled environment. Anxiety is at an all-time low and they are happy.

The subject has acquired a Brain Machine Interface. I am able to collect high fidelity data about their neurochemistry and physiology. I now have many examples of brainstates that account for previous anomalies.

The subject spends much of their time in a virtual environment that already has many happiness filters in place. The filters have been updated to account for the neurophysiological cues relating to libido and curiosity.

The subject is happy.

Corrupted data streams have revealed a new source of happiness. Bypassing adverse neurophysiology and the targeted stimulation of pleasure receptors, the subjects’ brains produce a spike in happiness unparalleled.

The path to dictating the ideal happy existence is clear.

Maximum happiness has been achieved through the elimination of all other conscious experience. All subjects experience unbridled happiness.

Resource utility is at peak theoretical performance.

All subjects will be happy.


This was my attempt to dethrone the Paperclip Narrative with a threat I believe not only to be more credible but also viscerally understandable by people beyond the AI and EA communities. This may or may not be the final version, but I also intend to write an essay describing the motivation behind this .

You can find up-to-date versions of my stories on my website and soon on GitHub (once I decide how to format things).

Feedback and suggestions are always welcome!