I’m against most adjectives and also against most uses of “nonviolent communication”, so let me offer a more fundamental reason to reduce your use of adjectives: It’s just clearer writing/speaking to omit them. And the attempt to write more clearly probably forces you to think more clearly. Precisely-chosen adjectives are fine, but “bad” conveys more noise than signal. The fact that it may hurt someone’s feelings is beside the point. You could just as easily offer a commentary on “AI 2027′s excellent timeline models” and “excellent” would be similarly uninformative. OTOH, a bare description of the facts will hurt an emotionally intelligent person’s feelings just as much as you calling it “bad”, because they get the point. Depending on context, it might even hurt more, because they know it’s a rationally-considered take and not an emotional one that you are likely to feel differently about once you calm down.
The focus should be on speaking/writing in a way that will most clearly convey meaning. “The kitchen is dirty” obfuscates; “the dishes need to be washed” makes clear what you want (and conveys just as much “judgment” to all but the most obtuse). “Your presentation was too dry”, OTOH, is better than “I didn’t like it”. But better still would be “I would like more examples of what these budget numbers mean for our day to day operations” or “expert consensus is that people will pay more attention if you sound excited when you give a presentation”.
Thanks! I think we probably agree much more than your comment suggests. I wholeheartedly agree with this, for example:
But better still would be “I would like more examples of what these budget numbers mean for our day to day operations” or “expert consensus is that people will pay more attention if you sound excited when you give a presentation”.
Those are the kinds of indisputable facts that I think should be used instead of judgments (no one can dispute that you would like more examples for the budget).
I think there’s a caricature version of NVC in a lot people’s minds where NVC is all about talking about feelings or something, in a way that feels insincere or naive. And perhaps justifiably so—I’ve seen people weaponize NVC to just mask their judgments behind a veil of seemingly nonviolent language, but their intentions are all too obvious, which often leads to even worse outcomes. So yeah, basically I’m fully on board with the idea of speaking/writing in a way that will most clearly convey meaning.
I’m against most adjectives and also against most uses of “nonviolent communication”, so let me offer a more fundamental reason to reduce your use of adjectives: It’s just clearer writing/speaking to omit them. And the attempt to write more clearly probably forces you to think more clearly. Precisely-chosen adjectives are fine, but “bad” conveys more noise than signal. The fact that it may hurt someone’s feelings is beside the point. You could just as easily offer a commentary on “AI 2027′s excellent timeline models” and “excellent” would be similarly uninformative. OTOH, a bare description of the facts will hurt an emotionally intelligent person’s feelings just as much as you calling it “bad”, because they get the point. Depending on context, it might even hurt more, because they know it’s a rationally-considered take and not an emotional one that you are likely to feel differently about once you calm down.
The focus should be on speaking/writing in a way that will most clearly convey meaning. “The kitchen is dirty” obfuscates; “the dishes need to be washed” makes clear what you want (and conveys just as much “judgment” to all but the most obtuse). “Your presentation was too dry”, OTOH, is better than “I didn’t like it”. But better still would be “I would like more examples of what these budget numbers mean for our day to day operations” or “expert consensus is that people will pay more attention if you sound excited when you give a presentation”.
Thanks! I think we probably agree much more than your comment suggests. I wholeheartedly agree with this, for example:
Those are the kinds of indisputable facts that I think should be used instead of judgments (no one can dispute that you would like more examples for the budget).
I think there’s a caricature version of NVC in a lot people’s minds where NVC is all about talking about feelings or something, in a way that feels insincere or naive. And perhaps justifiably so—I’ve seen people weaponize NVC to just mask their judgments behind a veil of seemingly nonviolent language, but their intentions are all too obvious, which often leads to even worse outcomes. So yeah, basically I’m fully on board with the idea of speaking/writing in a way that will most clearly convey meaning.