I completely agree that OP raises totally legitimate points that are worthy of being taken seriously.
However, I am grateful for you initial comment and really disagree that the issue here is being emotional and impressionistic. The problem with the post is that it is bigoted. OP makes a central issue of people not respecting one’s “poly/mono” choice and then proceeds to suggest that women in poly relationships are unhappy and that poly men are uniquely likely to be sexual predators. This is all framed as a matter of OP’s experience, and I have no reason to doubt the truthfulness of it all. But that doesn’t excuse framing the issue as a matter of one’s choice to be poly or not. Imagine if this framing was done for any other group. Even if you have legitimate negative experiences with members of a certain group, framing the issue as relevant to membership in that group without any evidence whatsoever is unfair to say the least. This is especially true for something like sexual pressure, which monogamous people have been engaging in far and wide since the dawn of time. In any case, it is a really tired trope to paint anyone who does not fall very neatly in line with conventional ideas of relationship structures as a sexual predator.
It’s also frankly quite hypocritical in that OP seems to be the one not respecting others “mono/poly” choice.
None of this is to say that OPs experiences are not real or that they are not a problem. Of course they are! But that does not make this a fair or productive post and it would have been much better received if OP didn’t make it about something irrelevant.
This is the comment that made me feel very unsafe and take down the post.
What I said:
1. you can find many unhappy women in poly relationships
2. many poly men are sexual predators
You reframed my sentences to your convenience to claim that I said :
proceeds to suggest that women in poly relationships are unhappy and that poly men are uniquely likely to be sexual predators
the rest of your post bases on that assumption. Many != all, that is an important distinction. I am qualifying my sentences with “some of these men”, “many men” in various places but you’ve ignored that. I am not anonymous, so your calling me bigoted seems retaliatory, personal and unwarranted. The reason I didn’t take specific names but used many was because I don’t want to get into more issues, but usually the definition of many is more than one. I have not stopped a poly person from being poly so what do you mean by “not respecting others mono/poly choices”? Who did I coerce?
@lizka, @julia_wise, take note, I cannot presume your forum permits retaliation, name calling and personal attacks.
I didn’t call you bigoted, I called your post bigoted and I stand by it. If my comment about your post made you feel “very unsafe,” then I do not wish to argue about the matter and risk coming off as even more of a threat to you, as that could not be further from my intention. I wish you the best.
I completely agree that OP raises totally legitimate points that are worthy of being taken seriously.
However, I am grateful for you initial comment and really disagree that the issue here is being emotional and impressionistic. The problem with the post is that it is bigoted. OP makes a central issue of people not respecting one’s “poly/mono” choice and then proceeds to suggest that women in poly relationships are unhappy and that poly men are uniquely likely to be sexual predators. This is all framed as a matter of OP’s experience, and I have no reason to doubt the truthfulness of it all. But that doesn’t excuse framing the issue as a matter of one’s choice to be poly or not. Imagine if this framing was done for any other group. Even if you have legitimate negative experiences with members of a certain group, framing the issue as relevant to membership in that group without any evidence whatsoever is unfair to say the least. This is especially true for something like sexual pressure, which monogamous people have been engaging in far and wide since the dawn of time. In any case, it is a really tired trope to paint anyone who does not fall very neatly in line with conventional ideas of relationship structures as a sexual predator.
It’s also frankly quite hypocritical in that OP seems to be the one not respecting others “mono/poly” choice.
None of this is to say that OPs experiences are not real or that they are not a problem. Of course they are! But that does not make this a fair or productive post and it would have been much better received if OP didn’t make it about something irrelevant.
This is the comment that made me feel very unsafe and take down the post.
What I said:
1. you can find many unhappy women in poly relationships
2. many poly men are sexual predators
You reframed my sentences to your convenience to claim that I said :
the rest of your post bases on that assumption. Many != all, that is an important distinction. I am qualifying my sentences with “some of these men”, “many men” in various places but you’ve ignored that. I am not anonymous, so your calling me bigoted seems retaliatory, personal and unwarranted. The reason I didn’t take specific names but used many was because I don’t want to get into more issues, but usually the definition of many is more than one. I have not stopped a poly person from being poly so what do you mean by “not respecting others mono/poly choices”? Who did I coerce?
@lizka, @julia_wise, take note, I cannot presume your forum permits retaliation, name calling and personal attacks.
I didn’t call you bigoted, I called your post bigoted and I stand by it. If my comment about your post made you feel “very unsafe,” then I do not wish to argue about the matter and risk coming off as even more of a threat to you, as that could not be further from my intention. I wish you the best.