Sorry I’m mostly trying to take a day away from the forum, but someone let me know that it would be helpful to chime in here. Essentially what happened:
The org had arranged accommodation (not a hotel), but it didn’t cover the first night she’d be in the country
The people running the recruitment talked to me in a “this is your friend you recommended, could you help out?” way
We had a spare room so I offered that; they said yes so I communicated with her about that
This was all arranged on the day of her flight (before she flew)
(I’m eliding details to reduce risk of leaking information about the person’s identity.)
This is a lot worse than I was expecting. This makes it clear that the woman was in a situation where it was extremely hard to refuse Owen’s offer of accommodation.
Firstly, the organization screwed up majorly. You should not be arranging accommodation for someone on the same day they fly to a foreign country. I know I would have been fairly distressed if this had happened to me.
Secondly, we need to remember that this was an organization she was interviewing for, and Owen was the one that recommended her, and was presumably on good terms with the org. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that making a fuss about staying at Owen’s house could hurt her chances with the org.
Thirdly, the power imbalances in their friendship might make her concerned about what would happen to her position if refusing accommodation hurt said friendship.
Fourthly, it’s often very expensive to get a last minute hotel. Refusing to stay with Owen could have occurred a large financial penalty.
This was not a case of “hey do you want to crash at mine when you fly over next month?”. This is a case of “no better options”. It’s extremely inappropriate to push boundaries on someone who is in this situation. I’m very saddened at the extreme lack of empathy and judgement that was shown here. I’m relieved that Owen is no longer in leadership positions in EA, and I deeply hope he has sincerely reformed since this encounter.
(1) Owen should have pushed the organization to find other housing for the interviewee?
(2) If the organization would or could not do so, Owen should not have agreed to host the interviewee for an evening (leaving her to find an expensive last-minute hotel?)
One potential concern with a yes to (2) is that—assuming it would have been OK to offer lodging in this situation to an older male to whom Owen wasn’t attracted—this could be seen as imposing extra costs on the woman for being young, female, and attractive to Owen.
(Personally, I would never make the hosting offer to any candidate.)
The most important thing he needed to do was to not mention masturbation or anything else sexual. The situation makes it significantly harder to for her to push back against unwanted behavior. (I think this would also have been wrong if she had agreed in advance to stay there, but the fact that it was foisted on her on the day makes it worse).
I absolutely agree with 1), I definitely think the org should have paid for a hotel, given how badly they screwed up it’s the least they can do. I’m not too sure about 2), I think an offer of lodging could be okay if it was the absolute last resort and kept strictly professional.
From the article, it sounds like her flights to the UK were paid for by the org (although it’s a little ambiguous, could read it as Owen paying, although that wouldn’t really make sense to me). If they can pay for flights, it seems reasonable that a hotel room is not an excessive extra cost.
I’ve stayed at a (non-EA) professional contact’s house before when they’d invited me to give a talk and later very apologetically realized they didn’t have the budget for a hotel. They likely felt obliged to offer; I felt like it would be awkward to decline. We were both at pains to be extremely, exceedingly, painstakingly polite given the circumstances and turn the formality up a notch.
I agree the org should have paid for a hotel, I’m only mentioning this because if baseline formality is a 5, I would think it would be more normal to kick it up to a 10 under the circumstances. It makes this situation all the more bizarre.
Sorry I’m mostly trying to take a day away from the forum, but someone let me know that it would be helpful to chime in here. Essentially what happened:
The org had arranged accommodation (not a hotel), but it didn’t cover the first night she’d be in the country
The people running the recruitment talked to me in a “this is your friend you recommended, could you help out?” way
We had a spare room so I offered that; they said yes so I communicated with her about that
This was all arranged on the day of her flight (before she flew)
(I’m eliding details to reduce risk of leaking information about the person’s identity.)
This is a lot worse than I was expecting. This makes it clear that the woman was in a situation where it was extremely hard to refuse Owen’s offer of accommodation.
Firstly, the organization screwed up majorly. You should not be arranging accommodation for someone on the same day they fly to a foreign country. I know I would have been fairly distressed if this had happened to me.
Secondly, we need to remember that this was an organization she was interviewing for, and Owen was the one that recommended her, and was presumably on good terms with the org. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that making a fuss about staying at Owen’s house could hurt her chances with the org.
Thirdly, the power imbalances in their friendship might make her concerned about what would happen to her position if refusing accommodation hurt said friendship.
Fourthly, it’s often very expensive to get a last minute hotel. Refusing to stay with Owen could have occurred a large financial penalty.
This was not a case of “hey do you want to crash at mine when you fly over next month?”. This is a case of “no better options”. It’s extremely inappropriate to push boundaries on someone who is in this situation. I’m very saddened at the extreme lack of empathy and judgement that was shown here. I’m relieved that Owen is no longer in leadership positions in EA, and I deeply hope he has sincerely reformed since this encounter.
To clarify, do you think:
(1) Owen should have pushed the organization to find other housing for the interviewee?
(2) If the organization would or could not do so, Owen should not have agreed to host the interviewee for an evening (leaving her to find an expensive last-minute hotel?)
One potential concern with a yes to (2) is that—assuming it would have been OK to offer lodging in this situation to an older male to whom Owen wasn’t attracted—this could be seen as imposing extra costs on the woman for being young, female, and attractive to Owen.
(Personally, I would never make the hosting offer to any candidate.)
The most important thing he needed to do was to not mention masturbation or anything else sexual. The situation makes it significantly harder to for her to push back against unwanted behavior. (I think this would also have been wrong if she had agreed in advance to stay there, but the fact that it was foisted on her on the day makes it worse).
I absolutely agree with 1), I definitely think the org should have paid for a hotel, given how badly they screwed up it’s the least they can do. I’m not too sure about 2), I think an offer of lodging could be okay if it was the absolute last resort and kept strictly professional.
From the article, it sounds like her flights to the UK were paid for by the org (although it’s a little ambiguous, could read it as Owen paying, although that wouldn’t really make sense to me). If they can pay for flights, it seems reasonable that a hotel room is not an excessive extra cost.
I’ve stayed at a (non-EA) professional contact’s house before when they’d invited me to give a talk and later very apologetically realized they didn’t have the budget for a hotel. They likely felt obliged to offer; I felt like it would be awkward to decline. We were both at pains to be extremely, exceedingly, painstakingly polite given the circumstances and turn the formality up a notch.
I agree the org should have paid for a hotel, I’m only mentioning this because if baseline formality is a 5, I would think it would be more normal to kick it up to a 10 under the circumstances. It makes this situation all the more bizarre.
Thanks. I got (and agree) that the context makes the masturbation comment worse. Wasn’t sure on the other points, thanks for clarifying.
Owen should have told the org this situation is unacceptable and that they should arrange accommodation at their own expense.