Yeah as an extroverted male reading this makes me wonder if I’m supposed to be threatmodeling that I’ll be promoted and gain movement power some day? Because being around for longer than someone else is informal power (?) and I’m responsible for futures in which that becomes formal power?
Everyone is confused and there’s not a clear takeaway, IMO.
I don’t think the only reason the women felt uncomfortable here is because of power dynamics. The power dynamics just made the situation much worse. But you should generally try to avoid making people uncomfortable, particularly in a way that touches on their membership in part of a marginalized group.
So, one way I think all men, not just those in power, should modify their behavior is to refrain from making sexual comments. Especially with people you don’t know well yet. If you know someone quite well, and they seem to be making these comments themselves, and you have a level of trust and security with each other, you can be much more open with what you talk about. But for people you don’t know that well, for people who haven’t initiated this sort of thing themselves, just don’t make sexual comments.
I think he was relatively well known and respected in a much smaller community 5 years ago. So I think it’s a bit different. But if you have power over job apps and someone stays at your house without any other options, yeah, probably be more careful.
You need to make sure you never make anyone around you at all uneasy or uncomfortable.
OP easily solved this in 2020 by “not being edgy anymore.” Perhaps you could change your personality like OP and not be an extrovert anymore. Ideally do not speak unless spoken to, and only then if it’s because your silence is making others uncomfortable.
Yeah as an extroverted male reading this makes me wonder if I’m supposed to be threatmodeling that I’ll be promoted and gain movement power some day? Because being around for longer than someone else is informal power (?) and I’m responsible for futures in which that becomes formal power?
Everyone is confused and there’s not a clear takeaway, IMO.
I don’t think the only reason the women felt uncomfortable here is because of power dynamics. The power dynamics just made the situation much worse. But you should generally try to avoid making people uncomfortable, particularly in a way that touches on their membership in part of a marginalized group.
So, one way I think all men, not just those in power, should modify their behavior is to refrain from making sexual comments. Especially with people you don’t know well yet. If you know someone quite well, and they seem to be making these comments themselves, and you have a level of trust and security with each other, you can be much more open with what you talk about. But for people you don’t know that well, for people who haven’t initiated this sort of thing themselves, just don’t make sexual comments.
I think he was relatively well known and respected in a much smaller community 5 years ago. So I think it’s a bit different. But if you have power over job apps and someone stays at your house without any other options, yeah, probably be more careful.
It’s really quite simple.
You need to make sure you never make anyone around you at all uneasy or uncomfortable.
OP easily solved this in 2020 by “not being edgy anymore.” Perhaps you could change your personality like OP and not be an extrovert anymore. Ideally do not speak unless spoken to, and only then if it’s because your silence is making others uncomfortable.