Advice on job rejection / grief that follows
What advice do you have for navigating these moments — when you gave your all, came so close, and still fell short?
I recently interviewed for a Head of Finance position at an EA (Effective Altruism) organization. I had the skills, the experience, and had successfully cleared all the earlier stages — the application, the first interview, and even the test task. But during the final interview, something unexpected happened.
Despite being well-prepared, I struggled to respond clearly. The questions caught me off guard, and I found myself fumbling. I likely panicked. My mind went blank in the moment, and afterward, I was flooded with thoughts of everything I could have said — a hundred better answers came rushing to me once the pressure was off.
That evening, I felt a physical ache in my stomach, a clear sign my fight-or-flight response had kicked in. It was an intense emotional and physiological reaction — disappointment, frustration, maybe even grief. I felt I had lost a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Finance opportunities are hard to come by in EA organizations!
The organization that I applied to was incredibly gracious and told me I had made it to the top 3 out of 168 applicants. That meant a lot. Still, I find myself struggling to move past this.
I know I can’t change the outcome. But I keep replaying it, wishing I could’ve done better. What advice do you have for navigating these moments — when you gave your all, came so close, and still fell short?
First, thank you for being so vulnerable in sharing this experience. At least for me, your description of rejection feeling a bit like grief really resonated, it can feel so gutting.
Making it to the top 3 out of 168 applicants sounds genuinely impressive. I’m glad the org told you, and that it’s meant a lot to you. While it might not feel like much consolation right now, it clearly demonstrates that your skills and experience are competitive in this space.
There are some practical tips I could give, like
Consider writing down all those better answers that came to you afterward. This certainly isn’t to torture yourself, but to capture those thoughts for next time. I’ve certainly learnt a lot from trying (and failing) work trials for EA Orgs that were then helpful the next time I did a trial task.
If interview anxiety was a factor, practice techniques like mock interviews with increasingly stressful scenarios, or try visualising yourself staying calm through unexpected questions.
However, I think for me personally it’s been important to do a bit of sitting with the pain of rejections rather than jumping to practical things straight away. I’ve also found reading about others’ experiences has helped the rejection feel a bit less lonely—some posts about rejection that I’ve especially appreciated are Louisa & Lizka’s ‘Rejection thread: stories and tips’, and Aaron’s Recovering from Rejection.
All that said, I mostly just want to say I’m so sorry it didn’t work out this time, and that that understandably feels really painful. Well done for giving it your all, I’m rooting for you finding some next steps that feel good, and that put the talents you evidently have to good use.
(Also—I’d advise putting more detail in the title, e.g. ‘advice on rejection’ or something. I expect more people will see it and give advice that way)