In most of the cases you cited, I think being more honest is a good goal.
However, echoing Ulrik’s concern here, the potential downsides of “deep honesty” are not just limited to the “deeply honest” person. For example, a boss being “deeply honest” about being sexually attracted to a subordinate is not generally virtuous, it could just make them uncomfortable, and could easily be sexual harassment. This isn’t a hypothetical, a high up EA cited the similar concept of “radical openness” as a contributing factor to his sexual harassment.
White lies exist for a reason, there are plenty of cases where people are not looking for “radical honesty” . Like, say you turn someone down from a date because they have a large disfiguring facial scar that makes them unattractive to you. Some people might want to know that this is the reason, other people might find it depressing to be told that a thing they have no control over makes them ugly. I think this is a clear case where the recipient should be the one asking. Don’t be “deeply honest” to someone about potentially sensitive subjects unprompted.
As another example, you mention being honest when people ask “how are you”. Generally, it’s a good idea to open up to your friends, and have them open up to you. But if your cashier asks “how are you”, they are just being polite, don’t trauma dump to them about your struggles.
I’m not sure if your comment is an attempt to restate with examples some of what’s in the “What deep honesty is not” section, or if it’s you pointing out what you see as blind spots in the post. In case it’s the latter, here are some quotes from the post which cover similar ground:
Deep honesty is not a property of a person that you need to adopt wholesale. It’s something you can do more or less of, at different times, in different domains.
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But blunt truths can be hurtful. It is often compatible with deep honesty to refrain from sharing things where it seems kinder to do so [...] And it’s of course important, if sharing something that might be difficult to hear, to think about how it can be delivered in a gentle way.
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If the cashier at the grocery store asks how you’re doing, it’s not deeply honest to give the same answer you’d give to a therapist — it’s just inappropriate.
In most of the cases you cited, I think being more honest is a good goal.
However, echoing Ulrik’s concern here, the potential downsides of “deep honesty” are not just limited to the “deeply honest” person. For example, a boss being “deeply honest” about being sexually attracted to a subordinate is not generally virtuous, it could just make them uncomfortable, and could easily be sexual harassment. This isn’t a hypothetical, a high up EA cited the similar concept of “radical openness” as a contributing factor to his sexual harassment.
White lies exist for a reason, there are plenty of cases where people are not looking for “radical honesty” . Like, say you turn someone down from a date because they have a large disfiguring facial scar that makes them unattractive to you. Some people might want to know that this is the reason, other people might find it depressing to be told that a thing they have no control over makes them ugly. I think this is a clear case where the recipient should be the one asking. Don’t be “deeply honest” to someone about potentially sensitive subjects unprompted.
As another example, you mention being honest when people ask “how are you”. Generally, it’s a good idea to open up to your friends, and have them open up to you. But if your cashier asks “how are you”, they are just being polite, don’t trauma dump to them about your struggles.
I’m not sure if your comment is an attempt to restate with examples some of what’s in the “What deep honesty is not” section, or if it’s you pointing out what you see as blind spots in the post. In case it’s the latter, here are some quotes from the post which cover similar ground: