I really like the below list of advice. I mostly endorse it. But I don’t think calling these people “perpetrators” will lead more to read this useful advice. For people whose behaviour causes harm feels like a frame that a reader could look at and say “yeah, that’s me”.
For perpetrators
Here are things that perpetrators could do besides soliciting direct feedback from those they’ve harmed:
Describe what happened to your friends (especially female friends) and ask for ideas on what went wrong. (Understand that your side of the story won’t capture all relevant details!)
Solicit anonymous feedback on your behavior from anyone who is happy to give it (not just people who were harmed by you).
Spend more energy paying attention to how people are feeling. (Read facial expressions and nonverbal cues. Verbally check in, but know that’s not foolproof.)
Become comfortable with rejection. Make people feel safe turning you down at any point.
Read books or online materials on consent, power dynamics, and how to avoid making people uncomfortable.
Exercise great caution with romantic/sexual advances (or halt them entirely) until you’re certain that these advances can be made without harm.
These ideas could also be helpful for people who are concerned they’ve caused harm but aren’t sure of it. Or for people who are concerned they might cause harm.
I just meant to use the same language as the OP, but that is a reasonable point. If someone writes a more polished guide for this kind of thing, different wording could be used.
I think parts of this could be turned into a list of general advice for people who initiate romantic/sexual relationships. And then there could be a sublist within that for people who think they may have caused harm. Does that sound better? (Glad to hear other feedback on this!)
I really like the below list of advice. I mostly endorse it. But I don’t think calling these people “perpetrators” will lead more to read this useful advice. For people whose behaviour causes harm feels like a frame that a reader could look at and say “yeah, that’s me”.
I just meant to use the same language as the OP, but that is a reasonable point. If someone writes a more polished guide for this kind of thing, different wording could be used.
I think parts of this could be turned into a list of general advice for people who initiate romantic/sexual relationships. And then there could be a sublist within that for people who think they may have caused harm. Does that sound better? (Glad to hear other feedback on this!)