I think this is really useful but the final clarification is really important and maybe should be included in the section on key points—if you do all of these things repeatedly, you’ll be really annoying and soon you’ll be hardly listening because of all the questions and paraphrasing. Sometimes I find it better to wait for people to finish speaking (even if it’s 3-5 minutes) and just ask the most important clarification.
Also once you’ve been improving your listening abilities for a while it seems to be even more impactful to scale back paraphrasing and acknowledgements as your conversation style will naturally show an understanding.
I think I disagree with trying to surround yourself with people who ‘suck it up’ as it may make it harder to talk to everyone else if you slip into conversational norms with people who never get offended or annoyed.
I think I disagree with trying to surround yourself with people who ‘suck it up’ as it may make it harder to talk to everyone else if you slip into conversational norms with people who never get offended or annoyed.
I think that depends on what we mean by “surround yourself”. I was thinking of my five closest friends. Or would you categorically avoid it? I think there’s a threshold of a number of relationships underneath which a blunt communication style doesn’t quite become your default.
[EDIT, two years later: am pretty convinced that shifting as large a social circle as possible towards more whole-hearted, blunt-yet-humane conversation norms is desirable and possible.]
I guess I have never really chosen the 5 people I spend the most time with, but I think it’s been beneficial for me that they generally have different styles of communicating so I’m used to constantly switching how I listen/talk.
I think this is really useful but the final clarification is really important and maybe should be included in the section on key points—if you do all of these things repeatedly, you’ll be really annoying and soon you’ll be hardly listening because of all the questions and paraphrasing. Sometimes I find it better to wait for people to finish speaking (even if it’s 3-5 minutes) and just ask the most important clarification.
Also once you’ve been improving your listening abilities for a while it seems to be even more impactful to scale back paraphrasing and acknowledgements as your conversation style will naturally show an understanding.
I think I disagree with trying to surround yourself with people who ‘suck it up’ as it may make it harder to talk to everyone else if you slip into conversational norms with people who never get offended or annoyed.
I think that depends on what we mean by “surround yourself”. I was thinking of my five closest friends. Or would you categorically avoid it? I think there’s a threshold of a number of relationships underneath which a blunt communication style doesn’t quite become your default.
[EDIT, two years later: am pretty convinced that shifting as large a social circle as possible towards more whole-hearted, blunt-yet-humane conversation norms is desirable and possible.]
I guess I have never really chosen the 5 people I spend the most time with, but I think it’s been beneficial for me that they generally have different styles of communicating so I’m used to constantly switching how I listen/talk.