I think there was a slight breakdown in communication and you’re imagining I’m proposing more restriction than I am. Flirting can still have plausible deniability as it could be interpreted as any of “they’re just engaging in friendly banter”, “they’re flirting as flirting, but just for a spark”, “they’re feeling out whether or not they’re interested in me”, “they’re somewhat interested in me, but that could change”, “they’re secretly in love with me”, etc. If everyone in EA were to avoid sleeping around in the sense I’m using it, I think the only interpretation that would be taken away would be “they want to have sex with me but don’t want anything serious”.
I also think EAs can follow this and still casually date other EAs from the perspective of being open to seeing where it goes, though that might mean taking things a little slower physically. Personally, if I were to date someone outside of EA, I might have sex with them on the first or second date (thought process “I’m attracted to them so why not”), but if I were to date someone in EA I’d probably wait until something like the fourth or fifth date (thought process “oh wow, I’m excited by this person and I think there’s a chance we could develop into something serious”), though I could also imagine exceptions where things were clearer earlier and where I’d sleep with an EA on the first date (I’m definitely not trying to propose a community norm here of a certain specific number of dates before sex). This all also seems to be how people in most companies and other functional tight-knit communities generally approach dating within the group.
And by “serious” I didn’t mean “marriage or similar”, so I think “might be the one” is a much higher bar than I meant.
I’m not Jeff, but this example made me think you were calling for avoiding all but the most serious / “the one”-type relationships:
Bob is polyamorous with multiple people, including Alice, AND Alice is not his primary
Avoiding this would prevent a lot of really good (and serious!) relationships in this community. Many secondary relationships are serious and strong and long-lasting, and some primary relationships start out as secondary relationships. Conflating “secondary relationships” with “sleeping around” seems really mistaken to me.
I think there was a slight breakdown in communication and you’re imagining I’m proposing more restriction than I am. Flirting can still have plausible deniability as it could be interpreted as any of “they’re just engaging in friendly banter”, “they’re flirting as flirting, but just for a spark”, “they’re feeling out whether or not they’re interested in me”, “they’re somewhat interested in me, but that could change”, “they’re secretly in love with me”, etc. If everyone in EA were to avoid sleeping around in the sense I’m using it, I think the only interpretation that would be taken away would be “they want to have sex with me but don’t want anything serious”.
I also think EAs can follow this and still casually date other EAs from the perspective of being open to seeing where it goes, though that might mean taking things a little slower physically. Personally, if I were to date someone outside of EA, I might have sex with them on the first or second date (thought process “I’m attracted to them so why not”), but if I were to date someone in EA I’d probably wait until something like the fourth or fifth date (thought process “oh wow, I’m excited by this person and I think there’s a chance we could develop into something serious”), though I could also imagine exceptions where things were clearer earlier and where I’d sleep with an EA on the first date (I’m definitely not trying to propose a community norm here of a certain specific number of dates before sex). This all also seems to be how people in most companies and other functional tight-knit communities generally approach dating within the group.
And by “serious” I didn’t mean “marriage or similar”, so I think “might be the one” is a much higher bar than I meant.
I’m not Jeff, but this example made me think you were calling for avoiding all but the most serious / “the one”-type relationships:
Avoiding this would prevent a lot of really good (and serious!) relationships in this community. Many secondary relationships are serious and strong and long-lasting, and some primary relationships start out as secondary relationships. Conflating “secondary relationships” with “sleeping around” seems really mistaken to me.