The seeds of EA are there, but are very subtle: thinking about how best to catch the fish; Sun’s concern for the worms and the fish.
Maybe it would be good to have another section where Barlow is thinking about his life and applies those lessons to it and vows to do more effective/altruistic things? And maybe he even renounces fishing the next summer? (It’s kind of ironic that the “evidence and reasoning” part was related to an activity directly at odds with a major EA cause area. Maybe Barlow could recognise this.)
Dear Greg—thank you for reading my story and for your comment!
When I asked a teacher in creative writing, he told me that for readers to be interested, we need to make a difference between portrayal and description—that is, if you have a message in your story, it shouldn’t be too obvious, or the reader will feel like they can’t think for themselves. I guess there is a scale, for if too subtle, then the message will not get across at all, perhaps shadowed by other interpretations.
I think your suggestions may help me bring the story closer to the optimal point on this scale, for I believe I am being too subtle.
The seeds of EA are there, but are very subtle: thinking about how best to catch the fish; Sun’s concern for the worms and the fish.
Maybe it would be good to have another section where Barlow is thinking about his life and applies those lessons to it and vows to do more effective/altruistic things? And maybe he even renounces fishing the next summer? (It’s kind of ironic that the “evidence and reasoning” part was related to an activity directly at odds with a major EA cause area. Maybe Barlow could recognise this.)
Dear Greg—thank you for reading my story and for your comment!
When I asked a teacher in creative writing, he told me that for readers to be interested, we need to make a difference between portrayal and description—that is, if you have a message in your story, it shouldn’t be too obvious, or the reader will feel like they can’t think for themselves. I guess there is a scale, for if too subtle, then the message will not get across at all, perhaps shadowed by other interpretations.
I think your suggestions may help me bring the story closer to the optimal point on this scale, for I believe I am being too subtle.