I am very sorry that this happened to you. I had a somewhat similar experience of disillusion and depression a few years ago. I eventually realised that it was because my life was deeply imbalanced at that time: I focused on and valued work too much and I didn’t prioritise my wellbeing and happiness sufficiently.
Five years later, I feel happier and more productive that I have ever been. I now feel that I needed my burnout to see the error of my ways and develop a better mentality and lifestyle (although I wish it were not the case). I hope that this event will eventually have a similarly positive outcome for you (although I recognise that it may not). I wish you all the best regardless.
I will also mention that I do think that many EAs could often do more to care for and look out for each other.
I definitely felt for sometime that if I were not impactful for some reason, like poor mental health, no-one would take much if any time to look out for me. I worried that it wouldn’t seem high value enough for my colleagues who already had so much important work to do. I don’t feel this way about my friends in community now, which makes me feel much better.
I think that having a strong sense of social support and security is probably more important than many people in the community realise. It is hard to work comfortably with people if you feel that their care for you is (nearly) entirely conditional on you sharing their values and delivering ‘impact’. It is also easy to mistake that sort of collaboration for friendship and I think that this is a common mistake.
A quick and impulsive comment.
I am very sorry that this happened to you. I had a somewhat similar experience of disillusion and depression a few years ago. I eventually realised that it was because my life was deeply imbalanced at that time: I focused on and valued work too much and I didn’t prioritise my wellbeing and happiness sufficiently.
Five years later, I feel happier and more productive that I have ever been. I now feel that I needed my burnout to see the error of my ways and develop a better mentality and lifestyle (although I wish it were not the case). I hope that this event will eventually have a similarly positive outcome for you (although I recognise that it may not). I wish you all the best regardless.
I will also mention that I do think that many EAs could often do more to care for and look out for each other.
I definitely felt for sometime that if I were not impactful for some reason, like poor mental health, no-one would take much if any time to look out for me. I worried that it wouldn’t seem high value enough for my colleagues who already had so much important work to do. I don’t feel this way about my friends in community now, which makes me feel much better.
I think that having a strong sense of social support and security is probably more important than many people in the community realise. It is hard to work comfortably with people if you feel that their care for you is (nearly) entirely conditional on you sharing their values and delivering ‘impact’. It is also easy to mistake that sort of collaboration for friendship and I think that this is a common mistake.