Hey :) Just a data point that I downvoted this because: a. I would like to encourage environments in EA which are mutually supportive and kind. I think that there is already significant social pressure to be okay with receiving feedback at any time and in any form. b. I think feedback is very important but generally, we want to prioritize results. How will the person getting the feedback best use it as a tool to learn and grow? What I have read seems to suggest that feedback is most effective in a pre-existing relationship of trust, and emotional, and relational security and with concrete and actionable support after and goals. c. I can see a hundred ways this goes really wrong. The incentives are to provide harsh critique to appear novel and insightful of the other person. On the flip side, the incentives are to be/ appear to be okay with the feedback being provided. My general read is that consent is key here but that the social dynamics/incentives do not lend themselves well to allowing people to opt-in/ opt-out freely. d. I know this is super unfair but… you work at CEA running events. I am worried this might seem prescriptive to the newer members of the Forum given your status in EA. --- I will flag I don’t like this on a gut level which may be clouding my judgment. The framing of what causes your doom feels very icky and just generally a bad framing for something that should be positive and mutually supportive. I can imagine this being fantastic for some people but I thought I would add some notes on why I feel concerned here.
Thanks for the feedback! I meant to post this as a description of a type of activity that won’t be right for everyone. I needed a link to the description and couldn’t find one online so wrote one. It sounds like this kind of activity might not be right for you, which is totally ok! :)
I didn’t realize who I was talking to until after you sent me a DM (posting on the Forum used to be nightmare fuel for me but I am doing it more, in part because of some feedback from a Doom Circle). Anyway, I agree you probably wouldn’t enjoy it. I think we could do a version together that would be safe for you, but no pressure at all! <3
I’ve added a disclaimer to the top of the post to make it clear that this isn’t for everyone, I hope that helps!
I would like to encourage environments in EA which are mutually supportive and kind.
For what it’s worth, my experience of Doom Circles is that they felt explicitly supportive and kind. It felt like other people were willing to pay a social cost to give me honest feedback in a way that they would otherwise feel hesitant to do, and I appreciated them doing that for me.
The incentives are to provide harsh critique to appear novel and insightful of the other person.
I wouldn’t say that there’s an incentive to be harsh, since while you are providing feedback, others will also be providing feedback to you; so if you’re overly harsh to others, you might get the same in return. In my experience at least, the shared vulnerability created an incentive to be kind but honest.
Hey :) Just a data point that I downvoted this because:
a. I would like to encourage environments in EA which are mutually supportive and kind. I think that there is already significant social pressure to be okay with receiving feedback at any time and in any form.
b. I think feedback is very important but generally, we want to prioritize results. How will the person getting the feedback best use it as a tool to learn and grow? What I have read seems to suggest that feedback is most effective in a pre-existing relationship of trust, and emotional, and relational security and with concrete and actionable support after and goals.
c. I can see a hundred ways this goes really wrong. The incentives are to provide harsh critique to appear novel and insightful of the other person. On the flip side, the incentives are to be/ appear to be okay with the feedback being provided. My general read is that consent is key here but that the social dynamics/incentives do not lend themselves well to allowing people to opt-in/ opt-out freely.
d. I know this is super unfair but… you work at CEA running events. I am worried this might seem prescriptive to the newer members of the Forum given your status in EA.
---
I will flag I don’t like this on a gut level which may be clouding my judgment. The framing of what causes your doom feels very icky and just generally a bad framing for something that should be positive and mutually supportive. I can imagine this being fantastic for some people but I thought I would add some notes on why I feel concerned here.
Thanks for the feedback! I meant to post this as a description of a type of activity that won’t be right for everyone. I needed a link to the description and couldn’t find one online so wrote one. It sounds like this kind of activity might not be right for you, which is totally ok! :)
Definitely not—this would be total nightmare fuel for me ;) Thanks!
I didn’t realize who I was talking to until after you sent me a DM (posting on the Forum used to be nightmare fuel for me but I am doing it more, in part because of some feedback from a Doom Circle). Anyway, I agree you probably wouldn’t enjoy it. I think we could do a version together that would be safe for you, but no pressure at all! <3
I’ve added a disclaimer to the top of the post to make it clear that this isn’t for everyone, I hope that helps!
I know right- I also get nervous about the Forum. If I were to doom circle with anyone… <3 <3 Thanks :)
<3
For what it’s worth, my experience of Doom Circles is that they felt explicitly supportive and kind. It felt like other people were willing to pay a social cost to give me honest feedback in a way that they would otherwise feel hesitant to do, and I appreciated them doing that for me.
I wouldn’t say that there’s an incentive to be harsh, since while you are providing feedback, others will also be providing feedback to you; so if you’re overly harsh to others, you might get the same in return. In my experience at least, the shared vulnerability created an incentive to be kind but honest.
I am super pleased to hear that. Seems like, despite the scary-sounding name, people have had positive experiences with this which is great! :)