You mention that feedback from people who didn’t know much about EA prior to reading the essay would be particularly valuable—we paid someone to translate it for our national group’s website so we’ve got a bit of that:
‘In the English source text I’ve noticed some minor issues with grammar and/or style (such as pronouns without referents, long-winded lines that could be phrased more efficiently, repetitions in words and examples, the structuring of content and their respective paragraphs).’
Furthermore, the translator was not a fan of the general structure:
‘The title is “What is effective altruism”, then after the intro I’m being presented with all these long examples of things more or less inspired by EA (though never quite sure to what extent), only to be followed with the line: “Effective altruism isn’t defined by the projects above, and what it focuses on could easily change.”—so why did I spend my time reading these examples then?’
After receiving these comments, I shared the old one with them to see what they made of it:
’It’s a better read and keeps me more engaged, addresses some of the key questions one might have about EA-thinking both more directly and more nuanced’
Thanks for putting in the work here!
You mention that feedback from people who didn’t know much about EA prior to reading the essay would be particularly valuable—we paid someone to translate it for our national group’s website so we’ve got a bit of that:
‘In the English source text I’ve noticed some minor issues with grammar and/or style (such as pronouns without referents, long-winded lines that could be phrased more efficiently, repetitions in words and examples, the structuring of content and their respective paragraphs).’
Furthermore, the translator was not a fan of the general structure:
‘The title is “What is effective altruism”, then after the intro I’m being presented with all these long examples of things more or less inspired by EA (though never quite sure to what extent), only to be followed with the line: “Effective altruism isn’t defined by the projects above, and what it focuses on could easily change.”—so why did I spend my time reading these examples then?’
After receiving these comments, I shared the old one with them to see what they made of it:
’It’s a better read and keeps me more engaged, addresses some of the key questions one might have about EA-thinking both more directly and more nuanced’
Hope this is useful!