In recent days, I’ve noticed an upsurge of talking at people rather than with them. I think there’s something lost here, where people stopped assuming interlocutors are (possibly mistaken) fellow collaborators in the pursuit of doing good, but more like opponents to be shot down and minimized. I think something important is lost both socially and epistemically when we do this, and it’s worthwhile to consider ways to adapt a more collaborative mindset. Some ideas:
1. Try to picture yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand, appreciate, and anticipate both their worries and their emotions before dashing off a comment.
2. Don’t say “do better, please” to people you will not want to hear the same words from. It likely comes across as rather patronizing, and I doubt the background rates of people updating positively from statements like that is particularly high.
3. In general, start with the assumption of some basic symmetry on how and what types of feedback you’d like to receive before providing it to others.
Talk to people, not at people
In recent days, I’ve noticed an upsurge of talking at people rather than with them. I think there’s something lost here, where people stopped assuming interlocutors are (possibly mistaken) fellow collaborators in the pursuit of doing good, but more like opponents to be shot down and minimized. I think something important is lost both socially and epistemically when we do this, and it’s worthwhile to consider ways to adapt a more collaborative mindset. Some ideas:
1. Try to picture yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand, appreciate, and anticipate both their worries and their emotions before dashing off a comment.
2. Don’t say “do better, please” to people you will not want to hear the same words from. It likely comes across as rather patronizing, and I doubt the background rates of people updating positively from statements like that is particularly high.
3. In general, start with the assumption of some basic symmetry on how and what types of feedback you’d like to receive before providing it to others.