I left this as a comment on a post which has since been deleted, so wanted to repost it here (with a few edits).
Some, though not all, men in EA subscribe to an ask culture philosophy which endorses asking for things, including dates, even when the answer is probably no. On several occasions this has caused problems in EA organizations and at EA events. A small number of guys endorsing this philosophy can make multiple women feel uncomfortable.
I think this is pretty bad. Some people point out that the alternative, guess culture, is more difficult for people who struggle to read social cues. But if there’s a trade-off between making this community safe and comfortable for women and making it easier for guys to find dates, then, sorry, the former is the only reasonable choice.
Probably there are formal solutions, such as clearer rules and codes of conduct, which could help a bit. But I also think there’s a cultural element, created and enforced through social norms, that will only change when EAs (especially men) choose to notice and push back on questionable behaviour from our acquaintances, colleagues, and friends.
Am a woman in EA, I personally feel more uncomfortable with guess culture at times. Being asked out directly is a more comfortable experience for me than having to navigate plausible deniability because in the latter case, it feels like the other person has more power over the narrative and there isn’t a clear way for me to turn them down quickly if I suspect they are subtly trying to make a romantic advance.
There are other norms that can make people more comfortable but “don’t explicitly ask out women you are interested in” would be bad for me because it causes people who would otherwise do that to behave in ways that are more difficult to scrutinise—Eg: “I was never interested in her” when called out on their behaviour/persistent flirting.
I left this as a comment on a post which has since been deleted, so wanted to repost it here (with a few edits).
Some, though not all, men in EA subscribe to an ask culture philosophy which endorses asking for things, including dates, even when the answer is probably no. On several occasions this has caused problems in EA organizations and at EA events. A small number of guys endorsing this philosophy can make multiple women feel uncomfortable.
I think this is pretty bad. Some people point out that the alternative, guess culture, is more difficult for people who struggle to read social cues. But if there’s a trade-off between making this community safe and comfortable for women and making it easier for guys to find dates, then, sorry, the former is the only reasonable choice.
Probably there are formal solutions, such as clearer rules and codes of conduct, which could help a bit. But I also think there’s a cultural element, created and enforced through social norms, that will only change when EAs (especially men) choose to notice and push back on questionable behaviour from our acquaintances, colleagues, and friends.
Am a woman in EA, I personally feel more uncomfortable with guess culture at times. Being asked out directly is a more comfortable experience for me than having to navigate plausible deniability because in the latter case, it feels like the other person has more power over the narrative and there isn’t a clear way for me to turn them down quickly if I suspect they are subtly trying to make a romantic advance.
There are other norms that can make people more comfortable but “don’t explicitly ask out women you are interested in” would be bad for me because it causes people who would otherwise do that to behave in ways that are more difficult to scrutinise—Eg: “I was never interested in her” when called out on their behaviour/persistent flirting.