I would strongly push back against the idea that norms are about “politely discussing” appropriate behavior. Norms are about social pressure and getting into other peoples business. It is a contradiction in terms to say “doing or not doing x is a private decision that should be left up to the individual with no external social pressure to do x” and “it should be a norm to do x”.
Regarding the grant example, I have said and continue to believe that it is totally appropriate for organizations to impose conflict of interest policies including limiting romantic relationships between grantees and decision makers. But if the organization has no such policy then that is the issue.
I think the idea that people who are not you simply being in a relationship has anything like an effect on you that playing loud music at 3 am does is both wrong and unhealthy. If a grant-making organization doesn’t have a robust conflict of interest policy, isn’t that the organization’s fault? If it does have one, why do you need these norms on top of that?
I would strongly push back against the idea that norms are about “politely discussing” appropriate behavior. Norms are about social pressure and getting into other peoples business. It is a contradiction in terms to say “doing or not doing x is a private decision that should be left up to the individual with no external social pressure to do x” and “it should be a norm to do x”.
Regarding the grant example, I have said and continue to believe that it is totally appropriate for organizations to impose conflict of interest policies including limiting romantic relationships between grantees and decision makers. But if the organization has no such policy then that is the issue.
I think the idea that people who are not you simply being in a relationship has anything like an effect on you that playing loud music at 3 am does is both wrong and unhealthy. If a grant-making organization doesn’t have a robust conflict of interest policy, isn’t that the organization’s fault? If it does have one, why do you need these norms on top of that?