Before reading the rest of this, please consider calling the suicide prevention lifeline for support. This may seem like generic advice, but the lifeline is a really valuable resource.
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EA-specific notes:
Youâre not alone. A lot of people involved in EA struggle with scrupulosity and feelings of guilt, and many have suffered from depression (sometimes related to the aforementioned feelings).
EA Peer Support is a Facebook group devoted to helping and supporting people through their personal problems. Iâd really encourage you to check it out; there are a lot of warm-hearted, thoughtful people in the group.
Also, Kelsey Piper often writes about the feelings of guilt/âscrupulosity that arise from EA thinking, and how to handle them. This is one good post about that; there are many others, and frankly there are many worse ways to spend time than just reading her entire Tumblr to find all the things sheâs written about self-care and emotional management.
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Iâm not a therapist or any other kind of counselor, but speaking from my own viewpoint/âexperience, the most important thing you can do is ensure that you are in a safe, stable position. No one is obliged to force themselves to suffer for the good of others; I canât think of anyone Iâve ever met during my time in EA who would argue otherwise.
Even you currently feel that there is tension between your personal comfort and your capacity to do good for others, remember that this tension neednât be a permanent feature of your life. Iâve known other people in EA who once felt the same tension, but eventually resolved it, with help from their friends and the wider community.
On top of everything else, I think there are compelling reasons not to betray your parentsâ trust even if it seems like that would have good consequences. To quote Holden Karnofsky:
I try to perform very well on âstandardâ generosity and ethics, and overlay my more personal, debatable, potentially-biased agenda on top of that rather than in replacement of it. I wouldnât steal money to give it to our top charities.
Because we believe that trust, cooperation, and accurate information are essential to doing good, we strive to be honest and trustworthy. More broadly, we strive to follow those rules of good conduct that allow communities (and the people within them) to thrive.
Before reading the rest of this, please consider calling the suicide prevention lifeline for support. This may seem like generic advice, but the lifeline is a really valuable resource.
--
EA-specific notes:
Youâre not alone. A lot of people involved in EA struggle with scrupulosity and feelings of guilt, and many have suffered from depression (sometimes related to the aforementioned feelings).
EA Peer Support is a Facebook group devoted to helping and supporting people through their personal problems. Iâd really encourage you to check it out; there are a lot of warm-hearted, thoughtful people in the group.
Also, Kelsey Piper often writes about the feelings of guilt/âscrupulosity that arise from EA thinking, and how to handle them. This is one good post about that; there are many others, and frankly there are many worse ways to spend time than just reading her entire Tumblr to find all the things sheâs written about self-care and emotional management.
--
Iâm not a therapist or any other kind of counselor, but speaking from my own viewpoint/âexperience, the most important thing you can do is ensure that you are in a safe, stable position. No one is obliged to force themselves to suffer for the good of others; I canât think of anyone Iâve ever met during my time in EA who would argue otherwise.
Even you currently feel that there is tension between your personal comfort and your capacity to do good for others, remember that this tension neednât be a permanent feature of your life. Iâve known other people in EA who once felt the same tension, but eventually resolved it, with help from their friends and the wider community.
Itâs okay to care about yourself. Itâs okay to care about your parents. You donât need to make all of your life decisions according to a single unified framework about doing good through charity; in the long run, some kind of balance that includes a regard for your own health is much better.
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On top of everything else, I think there are compelling reasons not to betray your parentsâ trust even if it seems like that would have good consequences. To quote Holden Karnofsky:
A similar point exists within the broadly-endorsed EA Guiding Principles: